He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation perfectly delightful.
-- Sydney Smith, referring to Macaulay Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is
merely a good excuse not to play football.
-- Fran Lebowitz "There are some enterprises in which a careful disorderliness is the true method." (Herman Melville, Moby Dick) Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at
the same time.
- Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair Astley The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!
-- Mark Russell "Any existence deprived of freedom is a kind of death." (General Michel Aoun) There are only two things a child will share willingly communicable diseases and his mother's
age.
-- Modern Maturity Astley
"The devil's agents may be of flesh and blood, may they not?" (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Hound of the Baskervilles) A kitten is chiefly remarkable for rushing about like mad at nothing whatever, and generally
stopping before it gets there.
-- Agnes Repplier Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by
definition, is unassailable.
-- James Baldwin, Nobody Knows My Name, 1961 Grow old with me! The best is yet to be!
-- Robert Browning 2,400,000 Americans play the accordian - hopefully not at the same time.
-- inside of a Pepsi cap Astley Saying that Windows95 is equal to Macintosh is like finding a potato that looks like Jesus and
believing you've witnessed the second coming.
-- Guy Kawasaki Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between.
-- David Letterman "Politics is my hobby. Smut is my vocation." (Larry Flynt) Astley
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
- Aristotle Onassis Your life and my life flow into each other as wave flows into wave, and unless there is peace and
joy and freedom for you, there can be no real peace or joy or freedom for me. To see reality--not
as A wasted youth is better by far than a wise and productive old age.
-- Meat Loaf, from the song "Wasted Youth" on the album Bat Out of Hell II Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
- Karl Wallenda Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
-- Ray Bandy Astley When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -- Guitry The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
-- Tom Clancy "When thou art at Rome, do as they do at Rome." (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, 1547-1616) Astley
I'm for abolishing and doing away with redundancy.
-- J. Curtis McKay, Wisconsin State Elections Board Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
--Anon. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
-- Red Buttons Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute. The lover knows much more about absolute good and universal beauty than any logician or
theologian, unless the latter, too, be lovers in disguise.
-- George Santayana Astley Love, I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not
impress the neighbors as being very much.
-- Zora Neale Hurston Washing one's hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with
the powerful, not to be neutral.
-- Paulo Freire Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
-- Karl Wallenda Astley
There is nothing that can be said by mathematical symbols and relations which cannot also be
said by words. The converse, however, is false. Much that can be and is said by words cannot
successfully I drink no more than a sponge.
-- Francis Rabelais, Works. Book i. Chap. v. Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity.
-- Edward H. Land We got to roll with the punches, play all of our hunches, make the best of whatever comes your
way. Forget that blind ambition, learn to trust your intuition -- plowing straight ahead, come what
may Man is the only animal that blushes--or needs to.
-- Mark Twain Astley If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt "Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential..." ( The better part of one's life consists of his friendships.
-- Abraham Lincoln Astley
Women: If they're not turning down your proposals for marriage, they're accusing you of
suspicious behavior in the women's lingerie changing room.
-- Cliff Clavin, character on "Cheers", U.S. Televi "Dying is the most embarrassing thing that can ever happen to you, because someone's got to take care of all your details." (Andy Warhol, America, 1985) "The want of logic annoys. Too much logic bores. Life eludes logic, and everything that logic alone constructs remains artificial and forced." (André Gide) Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
-- Irwin Corey When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.
- Friedrich Nietzsche Astley ...the fog is rising.
-- Emily Dickinson, dying words Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are
capable of being.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
-- Carl Friedrich Gauss, when informed that his wife was dying Astley
If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.
-- Lynda Barry If your professor wrote it, it's as near to the truth as you ever need to get.
-- John Watson, University of Canterbury He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
-- Anonymous The tragedy of life is not that man loses, but that he almost wins.
-- Heywood Brown Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you
have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not.
-- Aldous Huxley Astley The executive exists to make sensible exceptions to general rules.
-- Elting E. Morison To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.
-- Ghandi If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get
married.
-- Katharine Hepburn Astley
"Humans beings can always be relied upon to assert, with vigor, their god-given right to be stupid." (Dean Koontz, Seize the Night) For the majority of People, smoking has a beneficial effect.
-- Dr. Ian G. Macdonald, Los Angeles surgeon, quoted in Newsweek , Nov.18th 1963. I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
- Francois-Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), when asked how he managed to make his remarkable
statues "God is dead: but considering the state Man is in, there will perhaps be caves, for ages yet, in which his shadow will be shown." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, The Joyful Wisdom) The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
- George Bernard Shaw Astley Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.
-- Oscar Wilde The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal consistency of the women who
love me.
-- George Bernard Shaw A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.
-- G. K. Chesterton Astley
Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death "Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience." (George Bernard Shaw) "Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect every one who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are ine "I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors to my dogs." (Andy Warhol, Andy Warhol's Exposures, 1980) They're almost inseparable. Sometimes it takes ten people to separate them.
-- Anonymous Astley In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update
would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every
computer that th Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Steven Wright The mathematician lives long and lives young; the wings of his soul do not early drop off, nor do
its pores become clogged with the earthy particles blown from the dusty highways of vulgar life.
-- Astley
"Posterity: you will never know how much it has cost my generation to preserve your freedom. I hope you will make good use of it." (John Quincy Adams) A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take
her off his hands.
-- Sacha Guitry A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.
-- Mae West Say goodbye to the oldies, but goodies, because the good old days weren't always good and
tomorrow aint as bad as it seems.
-- Billy Joel Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
-- M. C. Reed Astley The artist alone sees spirits. But after he has told of their appearing to him, everybody sees them.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe When yer in a funk, people in love are a royal pain in the patookus.
-- Portnoy, character in "Outland," comic strip by Berkely Breathed Whatever women do they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this
is not difficult.
-- Charlotte Whitton Astley
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
- Mario Andretti Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them
down people's throats.
-- Howard Aiken For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
-- Virginia Woolf Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple, learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a
dozen.
-- John Steinbeck Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
-- Woody Allen Astley To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour.
-- Robert L. Stevenson I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
-- Walt Disney "People demand freedom only when they have no power." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Astley
