When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with
the buttered side down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the 2 will hover,
I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with.
-- Peg Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." (Mark Twain) It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
- Aristotle The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
-- B. F. Skinner Health If I tell a lie it's only because I think I'm telling the truth.
-- Phil Gaglardi, Minister of Highways, British Columbia, Canada In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry about where the
next meal would come from.
-- Peter F. Drucker Until the day of his death, no man can be sure of his courage.
-- Jean Anouilh Health
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about 'short' and 'cheap'? -- Phyllis Diller Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
-- G. K. Chesterton The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
-- Blaise Pascal, Pensées, trans. A.J. Krailsheimer If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
-- Voltaire I'll sleep when I'm dead.
- Warren Zevon Health Value your words. Each one may be the last.
-- Stanislaw J. Lec Now comes the mystery.
-- Henry Ward Beecher, dying words, March 8, 1887 "Humans beings can always be relied upon to assert, with vigor, their god-given right to be stupid." (Dean Koontz, Seize the Night) Health
We love because it's the only true adventure.
-- Nikki Giovanni No wonder nobody comes here--it's too crowded.
-- Yogi Berra Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-
inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least
expect i Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
-- Igor Stravinsky If ever I get married again it would have to be under an anaesthetic.
-- Marie Tonkin Health "Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under." (Henry Louis Mencken) The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but you still have to mow it.
-- Anonymous There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.
-- George Santayana Health
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
-- Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
-- Sidney Goff "No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, g "... adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991, quoted in his obituary, Time) Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie. Health My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in
bed with her.
-- Lenny Bruce It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
- Albert Einstein Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances
continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the
distance Health
"Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent." (Napoleon Bonaparte) For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good
results: drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
-- Laundry instructions on a shirt If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.
-- Virginia Woolf "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.) "The happy people are failures because they are on such good terms with themselves they don't give a damn." (Agatha Christie) Health "Beauty awakens the soul to act." (Dante Alighieri, 1265-1321) "Teacher played hooky. Sent message: 'Receiving instruction. Enjoying myself thoroughly. See you next week.'" (John Cage, M, Writings 1967 - 1972) Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
-- George Santayana Health
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
-- Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker There are no days in life so memorable as those which vibrated to some stroke of the
imagination.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the
really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
-- Mark Twain Thank God - every morning when you get up - that you have something to do which must be
done, whether you like it or not. Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you
a hundre "Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die tomorrow." (James Dean) Health Universities incline wits to sophistry and affectation.
-- Francis Bacon The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain
terrible.
-- Jean Kerr Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness.
-- Madame de Rieux Health
After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
-- Aldous Huxley Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get
money from it.
-- Stephen Leacock If you are going through hell, keep going.
- Sir Winston Churchill There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. -- James Holt McGavran "I think people resist freedom because they're afraid of the unknown. But it's ironic....That unknown was once very well known. It's where are souls belong....The only solution is to confront them--co Health I don't know exactly what democracy is. But we need more of it.
-- Anonymous Chinese Student, during protests in Tianamen Square, Beijing, 1989 If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again be any war.
-- Pentagon official, on why US military censored graphic footage from the Gulf War The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order.
-- Brian Pickrell Health
A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The
rest is trust.
-- Nanette Newman, British actress "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." (William Blake) I still believe in liberalism today as much as I ever did, but, oh, there was a happy time when I
believed in liberals...
-- G. K. Chesterton There is no course of life so weak and sottish as that which is managed by order, method, and
discipline.
-- Michel de Montaigne One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and, if
possible, speak a few reasonable words.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Health Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
- Mark Twain MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two
slaves, making in all, two.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 "People drag their progeny around with them like a ball and chain, like some terrible deadweight that hinders their every move - and that, as often as not, effectively winds up killing them." (Michel Health
Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue.
-- Hermione Gingold Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each
other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each other's
nerves Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.
-- John-Paul Sartre Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
-- Herbert Hoover "How is it that we never have time to do a job right, but we always have time to do it over?" (Anonymous) Health Genius has somewhat of the infantine; But of the childish not a touch or taint.
-- Robert Browning I hate women because they always know where things are.
-- James Thurber "If you do not know where you are going, any road will take you there." (Sterling Holloway, voice of Chesire Cat, Alice in Wonderland) Health
I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted.
-- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic
wastes to Third Wo I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.
-- Dorothy Parker My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order.
-- Brian Pickrell Propel, propel, propel your craft softly down liquid solution. Ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically,
ecstatically, Existence is simply illusion.
-- Fred Rogers, parody of "Row, row, row your boa Health Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Steven Wright "The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right." (Mark Twain) Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do.
--Don Galer Health
Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. -- W. Somerset Maugham Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
--Anon. A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
-- Gloria Steinem The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.
-- Anonymous "This is slavery, not to speak one's thought." (Euripides) Health CAPITAL, n. The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire, the pot, the dinner, the
table and the knife and fork for the anarchist; the part of the repast that himself supplies is the
disg "God is a gentleman. He prefers blondes." (Joe Orton, Loot) "I think people resist freedom because they're afraid of the unknown. But it's ironic....That unknown was once very well known. It's where are souls belong....The only solution is to confront them--co Health
