Marcham & District News - Local newsheet for the villages of Marcham, Garford, Frilford, Cothill and Gozzards Ford.
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Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks If God created us in His image we have certainly returned the compliment.
-- Voltaire We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
-- Aristotle If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt Cliches should be avoided like the plague.
-- Anon. News and Media I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
-- Fran Lebowitz After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare "I would rather die standing than live on my knees!" (Emiliano Zapata) News and Media
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
- Emile Zola If there is any one proof of a man's incompetence, it is the stagnant mentality of a worker who,
doing some small routine job in a vast undertaking, does not care to look beyond the lever of a
machi Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
-- George Washington The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.
-- Lou Holtz Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
-- Mae West News and Media Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw. "There is no sin except stupidity." (Oscar Wilde) "O' What may man within him hide, though angel on the outward side!" (William Shakespeare) News and Media
He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend's wife's brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that You can always amend a big plan, but you can never expand a little one. I don't believe in little
plans. I believe in plans big enough to meet a situation which we can't possibly foresee now.
-- Ha Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
-- Groucho Marx The true spirit of conversation consists in building on another man's observation, not overturning
it.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
-- Woody Allen News and Media Conversation, fastidious Goddess, loves blood better than brick, and feasts most subtly on the
human will.
-- Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway Dignity does not consist in possessing honors, but in deserving them.
-- Aristotle He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
- Sir Winston Churchill News and Media
"The perception of beauty is a moral test." (Henry David Thoreau) "It ends not with a bang, but a whimper." (Thomas Stearns Eliot, aka T. S. Eliot, The Hollow Man) "You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question." (Albert Camus, The Fall) What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
-- Woody Allen "REASONABLE, adj. Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion." (Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary) News and Media In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
- W.B. Prescott The more we do, the more we can do; the more busy we are the more leisure we have.
-- William Hazlitt A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.
-- Baudelaire News and Media
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
- Mario Andretti "REASONABLE, adj. Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion." (Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary) Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. "The reward of a thing well done is having done it." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) If we don't change the direction we are going,
We are likely to end up where we are heading.
-- Chinese saying News and Media The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may
well be another profound truth.
- Niels Bohr It is absurd to divide people into good or bad. People are either charming or tedious.
-- Oscar Wilde Someday is not a day of the week.
-- Anon. News and Media
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
- Francois-Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), when asked how he managed to make his remarkable
statues Mistakes are the portals of discovery.
-- James Joyce Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parent, gobble their food, and tyrannize their
teachers.
-- Socrates Does anal retentive have a hyphen?
-- Seen on a t-shirt 'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
-- ee cummings News and Media "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." (Bible, Proverbs 16:24) I married beneath me. All women do.
-- Lady Nancy Astor, attributed Never look at the trombones. You'll only encourage them.
-- Richard Strauss, on conducting News and Media
"Like as the waves make towards the pebbl'd shore, so do our minutes, hasten to their end." (William Shakespeare) Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
-- Finley Peter Dunne "...when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes) An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
-- Robert A. Humphrey This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. News and Media Live out of your imagination, not your history.
-- Stephen Covey God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at
the same time.
- Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair The covers of this book are too far apart.
-- Ambrose Bierce News and Media
"Where there's a marriage without love there will be love without marriage." (Benjamin Franklin) "Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate,
the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
-- Rainer Maria Ril Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each
other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each other's
nerves Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.
-- Albert Einstein News and Media Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from
history.
-- George Bernard Shaw The real questions are the ones that obtrude upon your consciousness whether you like it or not,
the ones that make your mind start vibrating like a jackhammer, the ones that you 'come to terms
with If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again be any war.
-- Pentagon official, on why US military censored graphic footage from the Gulf War News and Media
Good judgement comes from experience, and experience--well, that comes from poor judgement.
-- Cousin Woodman It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
-- Albert Einstein I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way
around Chinatown.
-- Woody Allen Watching the debate this afternoon it was apparent they loved term limits in the House -- as
Brutus loved Caesar.
-- Bill Moyers Education is an admirable thing, but nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
-- Oscar Wilde News and Media "Ugliness is in a way superior to beauty because it lasts." (Serge Gainsbourg) Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
-- Erma Bombeck Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.
-- George E. Woodberry News and Media
"Wise men learn more from fools, than fools from the wise." (Anonymous) It is amazing at how small a price may the wedding ring be placed upon a worthless hand; but, by
the beauty of our law, what heaps of gold are indispensable to take it off!
-- Douglas Jerold, 1858 When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life
of another.
-- Helen Keller Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.
-- General Douglas MacArthur Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.
-- Simeon Strunsky News and Media No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. -- Honore de Balzac Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.
-- Ken Dodd Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the
mother.
-- Claudette Colbert News and Media
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world, indeed it is the only thing that ever has." (Margaret Mead, 1901-78) People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
-- H. L. Mencken This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but hurled with great force.
-- Dorothy Parker No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
-- Honore de Balzac News and Media Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson ... it is certain that the real function of art is to increase our self-consciousness; to make us more
aware of what we are, and therefore of what the universe in which we live really is. And since
The society of women is the element of good manners.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe News and Media
