There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
-- Carol Leifer Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-
inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least
expect i A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What
do you mean?" responded her mother. "Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came
back with ano "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991) By County "Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
-- Anonymous I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being
gummed by a newt. It doesn't actually hurt, but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle.
-- Molly Ivins By County
The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.
-- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes "I expect nothing. I fear no one. I am free." (Nikos Kazantzakis) You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memories.
-- Stanislaw J. Lem Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower By County "Small minds discuss people, average minds discuss events, great minds discuss ideas." (Anonymous) Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. -- W. Somerset Maugham Never be possessive. If a female friend lets on that she is going out with another man, be kind
and understanding. If she says she would like to go out with the Dallas Cowboys, including the
coachin By County
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
-- Marvin Kitman We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. -- H.L. Mencken I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day.
-- Vincent Van Gogh The great advantage of being in a rut is that when one is in a rut, one knows exactly where one
is.
-- Arnold Bennett Like a prune, you are not getting any better looking, but you are getting sweeter.
-- N. D. Stice By County Journalism is merely history's first draft.
-- Geoffrey C. Ward "I praise loudly. I blame softly." (Catherine the Great) How is it that little children are so intelligent and men so stupid? It must be education that does it.
-- Alexandre Dumas fils By County
The person who is slowest in making a promise is most faithful in its performance.
-- Jean-Jacques Rousseau I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?
-- Benjamin Disraeli When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is
when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
-- Marcel Achard "Commit yourself to quality from day one ... it's better to do nothing at all than to do something badly." (Mark McCormack) Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
- Robert Frost By County Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.
Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.
Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr. Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are
capable of being.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women ... and the other ten percent I wasted." (Tug McGraw, Major League Baseball pitcher) By County
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about "short" and
"cheap"?
-- Phyllis Diller "In times of change learners inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists." (Eric Hoffer) Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them
good.
-- H.L. Mencken Now comes the mystery.
-- Henry Ward Beecher, dying words, March 8, 1887 Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
-- Oscar Wilde By County "The biggest argument against democracy is a five minute discussion with the average voter." (Sir Winston Churchill, 1874-1965) "We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution." (Abraham Lincoln, 1809-65) Do not let yourselves be discouraged or embittered by the smallness of the success you are likely
to achieve in trying to make life better. You certainly would not be able, in a single generation, to By County
Ambition is not a vice of little people.
-- Michel de Montaigne Health food makes me sick.
-- Calvin Trillin Sex is God's joke on human beings.
-- Bette Davis Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
-- Gail Godwin Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of
the other person.
-- Mark Twain By County A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing
nothing.
-- George Benard Shaw In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar--a practice which is still continued.
-- Helen Rowland It is because modern education is so seldom inspired by a great hope that it so seldom achieves
great results. The wish to preserve the past rather that the hope of creating the future dominates
the By County
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested
he is in her.
-- Agatha Christie An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
-- Robert A. Humphrey "I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me." (George Bernard Shaw) The best teacher is the one who suggests rather than dogmatizes, and inspires his listener with
the wish to teach himself.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx By County Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability. George Bernard
Shaw (1856 - 1950), The Devil's Disciple (1901) act 3 Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have
had any experience with them.
-- H. L. Mencken Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
- Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat By County
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
-Robert Frost (1874-1963) I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
-- Mark Twain I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got. Time is at once the most valuable and most perishable of all our possessions.
-- John Randolph Discovery consists of looking at the same thing as everyone else does and thinking something
different.
-- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, 1937 Nobel Prize in Physiology and Medicine By County The only reward of virtue is virtue.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
-- Charlie Brown, character in "Peanuts" comic strip, created by Charles Schultz Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.
-- Samuel Johnson By County
The true spirit of conversation consists in building on another man's observation, not overturning
it.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
-- T. S. Eliot You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
-- Indira Gandhi I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
-- George Washington By County Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before
marriage, which is never advisable.
-- Oscar Wilde "Education is the period during which you are being instructed by somebody you do not know, about something you do not want to know." (Gilbert Keith Chesterton) There is more to life than increasing its speed.
-- Gandhi By County
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
-- Pancho Villa, dying words Genius has somewhat of the infantine; But of the childish not a touch or taint.
-- Robert Browning Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do.
-- Oscar Wilde It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.
-- Emiliano Zapata "I praise loudly. I blame softly." (Catherine the Great) By County "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do." (Dale Carnegie) "Freedom of press is limited to those who own one." (Henry Louis Mencken) "Life is measured by the rapidity of change, the succession of influences that modify the being." (George Eliot) By County
I do not have much patience with a thing of beauty that must be explained to be understood. If it
does need additional interpretation by someone other than the creator, then I question whether it
ha "Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect every one who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are ine Genius has somewhat of the infantine; But of the childish not a touch or taint.
-- Robert Browning Love is the delusion that one man or woman differs from another.
-- H. L. Mencken We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
-- Winston Churchill By County Who, being loved, is poor?
-- Oscar Wilde A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
-Robert Frost (1874-1963) The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.
-- Frank J. Dobie, A Texan in England, 1945 By County
