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Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses.
-- Anon. "The greatest pleasure in life is doing what others say you cannot do." (Anonymous) "Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom." (Raymonde Uy) "The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones." (William Shakespeare, Julius Cæsar. Act iii. Sc. 2.) The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.
-- Winston Churchill Guides and Directories "To make a living, craftiness is better than learnedness." (Pierre-Augustin de Beaumarchais) May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife. Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.
-- Cecilia Egan Guides and Directories
"Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing." (Oscar Wilde) In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update
would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every
computer that th The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing that you will make one.
-- Ellen Hubbard "If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way." (Mark Twain) Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a
brand new ending.
-- Anonymous Guides and Directories The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes "Beauty without expression is boring." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) "One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Guides and Directories
Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more than the estimate the job
will cost.
-- Anon A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your
girdle when your hips stick.
-- Ogden Nash Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
-- Albert Camus "Shared joys make a friend, not shared sufferings." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Your every voter, as surely as your chief magistrate, exercises a public trust.
-- Grover Cleveland Guides and Directories As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are
certain, they do not refer to reality.
-- Albert Einstein He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
-- Anonymous What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat
guy in the third row exists?
-- Woody Allen Guides and Directories
It is absurd to divide people into good or bad. People are either charming or tedious.
-- Oscar Wilde "Everywhere one seeks to produce meaning, to make the world signify, to render it visible. We are not, however, in danger of lacking meaning; quite the contrary, we are gorged with meaning and it is k "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously u Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.
-- F. M. Knowles It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
-- Woody Allen Guides and Directories If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
-- Mother Teresa Celestial navigation is based on the premise that the Earth is the center of the universe. The
premise is wrong, but the navigation works. An incorrect model can be a useful tool.
-- Kelvin Throop I 2,400,000 Americans play the accordian - hopefully not at the same time.
-- inside of a Pepsi cap Guides and Directories
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find
that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our
pain The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
- Samuel Johnson Free will is a golden thread running through the frozen matrix of fixed events.
-- Robert A. Heinlein _The Rolling Stones_ Never practice two vices at once.
-- Tallulah Bankhead All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.
-- Chad A. Gamble, Escape, short story Guides and Directories We look forward to the time when the power to love of will replace the love of power. Then will our
world know the blessings of peace.
-- William Gladstone The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
-- Robert Benchley Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
- Richard Bach Guides and Directories
"Our destiny exercises its influence over us even when, as yet, we have not learned its nature: it is our future that lays down the law of our today." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Propel, propel, propel your craft softly down liquid solution. Ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically,
ecstatically, Existence is simply illusion.
-- Fred Rogers, parody of "Row, row, row your boa Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
- H. G. Wells For I am a bear of very little brain and long words bother me.
-- Winnie the Pooh, character from author A. A. Milne By working faithfully eight hours a day, you might eventually get to be a boss and work twelve
hours a day.
-- ROBERT FROST Guides and Directories "...when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes) Choose a wife by your ear than your eye.
-- Thomas Fuller, 1732 We must believe in free will, we have no choice.
-- Isaac B. Singer Guides and Directories
The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.
-- Frank J. Dobie, A Texan in England, 1945 Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
-- Groucho Marx Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
-- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy, 1981-1987 Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing
popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
-- Dave Barry It was just him and me. He fought with honor. If it weren't for his honor, he and the others would
have beaten me together. They might have killed me, then. His sense of honor saved my life. I
didn' Guides and Directories "I was a total loner, not by self-design. I just didn't know what the hell to say to people. I was so shy. I used to stammer and lisp and dribble at the mouth." (Sir Anthony Hopkins, on his youth) A White House well filled, a little peanut field well tilled, and a wife who will go to the Bronx are
great riches.
-- Poor Jimmy's Almanac The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx Guides and Directories
Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.
-- Mark B. Cohen "Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em." (William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, II:5) Per cubic inch, your current TV set is perhaps the dumbest appliance in your home (and I'm not
even talking about the programs).
-- Nicholas Negroponte We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
-- George Bernard Shaw But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
- Andrew Marvell Guides and Directories Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.
- James Stephens Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them
tender.
-- Mary Buckley You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
-- John Ciardi Guides and Directories
People, like nails, lose their effectiveness when they lose direction and begin to bend.
-- Walter Savage Landor "Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn; my God, do you learn!" (Clive Staples Lewis) I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.
-- Oscar Levant "He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches." (George Bernard Shaw) If ever I get married again it would have to be under an anaesthetic.
-- Marie Tonkin Guides and Directories "Fake is as old as the Eden tree." (George Orson Welles) Ninety percent of the game is half mental.
-- Yogi Berra Guide to understanding a net.addict's day:
Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
Bad day: barely squeezed in three ho Guides and Directories
Hope, like faith, is nothing if it is not courageous; it is nothing if it is not ridiculous.
-- Thornton Wilder My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows
how to make us disobedient.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?
-- Will Rogers, to his niece on seeing the Venus de Milo You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By
giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you
will Guides and Directories Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen.
-- Albert Einstein It was a day like this Marco Polo left for China. What are your plans for today?
--Loesje Guides and Directories
"Someday there will be girls and women whose name will no longer mean the mere opposite of the male, but something in itself, something that makes one think not of any compliment and limit, but only o Sir, I would rather be right than be President.
-- Henry Clay, Speech, 1850, referring to the Compromise Measure The wit of a graduate student is like champagne. Canadian champagne.
-- Robertson Davies Courage: doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.
-- Eddie Rickenbacker A problem is a chance for you to do your best.
-- Buke Ellington Guides and Directories 'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
-- Alfred, Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam, 1850, line 27, stanza 4 Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
-- Charlie Brown, character in "Peanuts" comic strip, created by Charles Schultz What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
-- Dave Barry Guides and Directories
