Man is the only animal that blushes--or needs to.
-- Mark Twain Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.
-- Alphonse Allais Author: A fool, who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on
tormenting the generations to come.
-- Montesquieu "If it doesn't matter who wins or loses, then why do they keep score?" (Vince Lombardi) "A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward." (Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1882 - 1945, 32nd U.S. President) Education The telephone company is urging people to *please* not use the telephone unless it is absolutely
necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this
bre "Mothers spend a lifetime excising from their sons the influence of their fathers." (Arthur Lotti) "No one lies so boldly as the man who is indignant." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Education
Women are like tea bags; put them in hot water and they get stronger.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters. "I've decided something: Commercial things really do stink. As soon as it becomes commercial for a mass market it really stinks." (Andy Warhol, The Andy Warhol Diaries, 1989) The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
-- Paula Poundstone "I should reproach him for not giving us enough evidence." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970, what he would say to God if they 'met') Education Universities incline wits to sophistry and affectation.
-- Francis Bacon "I offer images; I conjure memories of freedom that can still be reached ... But, we can only open the doors. We can't drag people through. I can't free them unless they want to be free--more than any My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music.
-- Vladimir Nabokov Education
Honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times.
-- Jonson, Ben I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted.
-- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic
wastes to Third Wo ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 Women's liberationists spread the word that...the only peaceful family is one in which either the
wife is enslaved or the husband is androgynous.
-- R. Emmett Tyell, The Liberal Crack-Up, 1984 "Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer." (Jack Handey) Education The grand aim of all science is to cover the greatest number of empirical facts by logical
deduction from the smallest number of hypotheses or axioms.
-- Albert Einstein What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are.
-- Alanis Morissette, singer, 1995 Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.
-- Ralph Marston Education
I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as
though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein "Avoid providing material for the drama that is always stretched tight between parents and children; it uses up much of the children's strength and wastes the love of the elders, which acts and warms The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
-- Sebastian Roch Nicolas Chamfort "Today was good. / Today was fun. / Tomorrow is another one." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991) Education Soul meets soul on lovers lips.
-- Percy Bysshe Shelley After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare For the majority of People, smoking has a beneficial effect.
-- Dr. Ian G. Macdonald, Los Angeles surgeon, quoted in Newsweek , Nov.18th 1963. Education
There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations.
-- François de La Rouchefoucauld A thing is not necessarily true because badly uttered, nor false because spoken magnificently.
-- St. Augustine "Beauty awakens the soul to act." (Dante Alighieri, 1265-1321) Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
-- Baskins "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." (Ambrose Redmoon) Education With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly good I thee endow.
-- Wedding Vow, Book of Common Prayer Ambition is not a vice of little people.
-- Michel de Montaigne Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. -- Cass Daley Education
Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the
writing will be just as it should be.
-- Mark Twain "Jesus died too soon. If he had lived to my age he would have repudiated his doctrine." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
-- Rita Rudner Obedience is the gateway through which knowledge, yes, and love, too, enter the mind of the
child.
-- Anne Sullivan "One often contradicts an opinion when what is uncongenial is really the tone in which it was conveyed." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Education The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
- Cicero "The dancer's body is simply the luminous manifestation of the soul." (Isadora Duncan) Education
I still believe in liberalism today as much as I ever did, but, oh, there was a happy time when I
believed in liberals...
-- G. K. Chesterton "The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right." (Mark Twain) "Man was born free and everywhere he is in chains." (Jean-Jacques Rousseau, French philosopher, The Social Contract) Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
- Ross MacDonald "The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970) Education Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
- Gail Godwin A man's feet should be planted in his country, but his eyes should survey the world.
-- George Santayana blah "The length of this document defends it well against the risk of its being read." (Sir Winston Churchill, 1874-1965) Education
May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters. Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
-- Karl Wallenda The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
- Henry Louis Mencken Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Cat's Cradle Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Education If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
-- Aristotle Onassis Honor the ocean of love.
-- George de Benneville A person is not given integrity. It results from the relentless pursuit of honesty at all times.
-- Anon. Education
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." (Albert Einstein) "If you assume that there's no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that there is an instinct for freedom, there are opportunities to change things, there's a chance for you t Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
-- Albert Einstein Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim.
-- George Santayana Our marriage would have worked if we hadn't lived together.
-- Joan Thompson Education My Alma mater was books, a good library . . . . I could spend the rest of my life reading, just
satisfying my curiosity.
--Malcolm X Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. "When you resort to attacking the messenger and not the message, you have lost the debate." (Addison Whithecomb) Education
"Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?" (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
- Samuel Johnson In the blithe days of honeymoon,
With Kate's allurements smitten,
I lov'd her late, I lov'd her soon,
And call'd her dearest kitten.
But now my kitten's grown a cat,
And cross like other wives.
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
-- Soren Kierkegaard If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
-- Lily Tomlin Education When you've spent half your political life dealing with humdrum issues like the environment... it's
exciting to have a real crisis on your hands.
-- Margaret Thatcher, on the Falklands Conflict blah "A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself." (James Douglas Morrison, lead singer of The Doors) "What is tolerance? -- it is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly -- that is the first law of nature." (Francois Marie Ar Education
"God's creatures, great and small ... eat them one, eat them all." (John A. Simone Sr.) [You reporters] should have printed what he meant, not what he said.
-- Earl Bush, press aide to Richard Daley "One will rarely err if extreme actions be ascribed to vanity, ordinary actions to habit, and mean actions to fear." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "The perception of beauty is a moral test." (Henry David Thoreau) Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
-- Mark Twain Education The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too.
When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing
extraordinary The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
- Aristotle Onassis All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Education
