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Offenham Links

Business Resource Development - Provides a range of business software applications and technical training. Site gives details of products and services on offer, as well as job opportunities.
Keder Greenhouses - Offers tunnel greenhouses for domestic and agricultural use, in kit form for self-assembly.
Offenham Park - Permanently-sited caravan park, with fishing in the river Avon. Site gives details and photographs of the facilities.
The Bridge Inn and Ferry - Free house, offering a selection of real ales and home-cooked food. Site gives details of the facilities, including the restaurant opening times and a sample menu.
AbbeySports - Supplier of lightweight aluminium chairs; suitable for a variety of outdoor activities. Includes online catalogue, and pdf order form.
Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar Wilde Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake. - Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower Grow old with me! The best is yet to be! -- Robert Browning My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! "To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Offenham "I've just had eighteen straight whiskies. I think that's the record." (Dylan Thomas, final words) "Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism." (Dave Barry) A person is not given integrity. It results from the relentless pursuit of honesty at all times. -- Anon. Offenham blah "Some of the worlds greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible. unattributed" (Anonymous) "You make 'em, I amuse 'em." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991, on children) Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. you only need a heart full of grac "Life is measured by the rapidity of change, the succession of influences that modify the being." (George Eliot) Before marraige a man will like awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage he will fall asleep before you have finished saying it. -- Anon. Offenham I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. -- Albert Einstein The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. -- Oscar Wilde The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Offenham Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl yore mistakes. -- Brendan Hills "Have confidence that if you have done a little thing well, you can do a bigger thing well, too." (David Malcolm Storey) I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it. - Steven Wright We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. -- H.L. Mencken Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. -- Groucho Marx Offenham More than kisses, letters mingle souls. -- John Donne Truth often suffers more by the heat of its defenders than the arguments of its opposers. -- William Penn Nothing average ever stood as a monument to progress. When progress is looking for a partner it doesn't turn to those who believe they are only average. It turns instead to those who are forever sea Offenham "Of all mankind the great poet is the equable man." (Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, 1855) Love is friendship set on fire. - Jeremy Taylor Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact. - George Eliot "Video games are bad for you? That's what they said about rock 'n roll." (Shigeru Miyamoto, game designer for Nintendo) "To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Offenham "When thou art at Rome, do as they do at Rome." (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, 1547-1616) Every act of creation is first an act of destruction. -- Pablo Picasso What is politics, after all, but the compulsion to preside over property and make other peoples' decisions for them? -- Tom Robbins, Skinny Legs and All Offenham "In some ways, I never outgrew my adolescence. I wake up in the morning and think, 'Oh my God, I'm late for a math test!' But then I say, 'Wait a minute. I'm 40.'" (Daniel Clowes) "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." (Albert Einstein) When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic. -- Steven Wright They will say you are on the wrong road, if it is your own. -- Antonio Porchi I believe God is managing affairs and that He doesn't need any advice from me. With God in charge, I believe everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about. -- Hen Offenham We can never be sure that the opinion we are endeavoring to stifle is a false opinion; and if we were sure, stifling it would be an evil still. -- John Stuart Mill As for courage and will - we cannot measure how much of each lies within us, we can only trust there will be sufficient to carry through trials which may lie ahead. -- Andre Norton Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things! -- Tom Lehrer Offenham Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. -- Josh Billings "Everything in my life has been determined by mistakes." (Gene Wilder) People only see what they are prepared to see. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust. -- Nanette Newman, British actress Love is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener. -- Pauline Thomason Offenham Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature. -- Tom Robbins Natural ability without education has more often attained to glory and virtue than education without natural ability. Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC) Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things! -- Tom Lehrer Offenham Our schools have been scientifically designed to prevent over-education from happening. [...] The average American (should be) content with their humble role in life, because they're not tempted to Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. -- William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act i. Sc. 1. If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not a poet enough to call forth its riches; for to the creator there is no poverty and no poor indifferent p To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance - Oscar Wilde "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit." (Aristotle) Offenham Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first. "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." (Andy Warhol) Choose a wife by your ear than your eye. -- Thomas Fuller, 1732 Offenham Why did Nature create man? Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure ignorance? -- Holbrook Jackson The better part of valor is discretion. -- William Shakespeare 1564-1616 from King Henry the Fourth, Part I The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity. -- Winston Churchill If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister? Teach a parrot the terms "supply and demand" and you've got an economist. -- Thomas Carlyle Offenham Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it. -- George Bernard Shaw "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." (Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1882 - 1945, 32nd U.S. President) Hell is a half-filled auditorium. - Robert Frost Offenham Choose a wife by your ear than your eye. -- Thomas Fuller, 1732 Just buy a box of popcorn and a Coca-Cola and sit back and watch. -- James Carville, Clinton advisor, offering advice for Democrats on the term-limits vote in the House I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.... This is an ex-parrot. -- John Cleese, Monty Python, British comedy television show Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. -- Jim Backus "Truth lies not only in a dream, but in many dreams." (Pier Paolo Pasolini, Italian poet, novelist and filmmaker) Offenham Great eaters and great sleepers are incapable of anything else that is great. -- William Shakespeare, Henry IV The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspe Genius is an African who dreams up snow. -- Vladimir Nabokov Offenham There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. -- James Holt McGavran All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult. -- Anonymous If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner This isn't right, this isn't even wrong. - Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist's paper Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. -- Baskins Offenham A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. Robert Frost (1874-1963) Your every voter, as surely as your chief magistrate, exercises a public trust. -- Grover Cleveland There are many things worth living for, there are a few things worth dying for, but there is nothing worth killing for. -- Tom Robbins Offenham After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post. -- Philip Streifer, Superintendent "Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational." (Charles Schultz) When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is; when we treat him as if he already were what he potentially could be, we make him what he should be. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins. - Oliver Wendell Holmes "Man was born free and everywhere he is in chains." (Jean-Jacques Rousseau, French philosopher, The Social Contract) Offenham Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness. -- Sigmund Freud Youth is wasted on the young. -- George Bernard Shaw "Do you know that places only yield up their secrets, their most profound mysteries, to those who are just passing through?" (Salman Rushdie, The Moor's Last Sigh) Offenham
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