HM Customs & Excise - Includes information about the UK's Custom and Excise Department and includes the prototype on-line VAT (Value Added Tax) returns system.
Inland Revenue - Responsible for the administration of income tax, national insurance contributions, corporation tax, capital gains tax, petroleum revenue tax, inheritance tax and stamp duties.
Valuation Office Agency - Site explaining the role of the VOA in connection with council tax bands, rating assessments of non-domestic property, Capital Gains and Inheritance Tax valuations and "right to buy" determinations in the UK.
Valuation Tribunal Service - Independent body responsible for hearing appeals concerning tax valuations. Site provides details of VTS procedures and contacts.
The Adjudicator's Office - Site explains the mechanism for complaining about the Inland Revenue & Valuation Office and HM Customs & Excise.
Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and
hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in
Heaven.
-- P. J The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
-- Jilly Cooper I could prove God statistically.
-- George Gallup "Beauty awakens the soul to act." (Dante Alighieri, 1265-1321) This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises,
promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
-- Anonymous Taxes I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
-- W. C. Fields When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life
of another.
-- Helen Keller A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor Taxes
"Murder is the very bed-rock of our social institutions." (Octave Mirbeau, The Torture Garden) Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as
saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball.
-- Deborah Tan The open-minded see the truth in different things: the narrow-minded see only the differences.
-- Author Unknown A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
-- Robert Frost I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said,
"Would you like some fries with that?"
-- Jay Leno Taxes The only reward of virtue is virtue.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid. Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H.L. Mencken Taxes
"Death where is thy sting? Love, where is thy glory?" (William Shakespeare) We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person
perfectly.
-- Anonymous Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.
-- Emily Dickinson It was just him and me. He fought with honor. If it weren't for his honor, he and the others would
have beaten me together. They might have killed me, then. His sense of honor saved my life. I
didn' In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been
widely regarded as a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams Taxes The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
-- Robert Benchley Men have become the tools of their tools.
-- Henry David Thoreau Laywers, I suppose, were children once.
-- Charles Lamb Taxes
I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with.
-- Peg Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show At every crossroads on the path that leads to the future, tradition has placed 10,000 men to guard
the past.
-- Maurice Maeterlink Parents are the bones upon which children sharpen their teeth.
-- Peter Ustinov "If you meet a woman that smokes cigars ... marry her." (Arthur Lotti) "Conscience and cowardice are really the same things. Conscience is the trade-name of the firm. That is all." (Oscar Wilde) Taxes Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
- Albert Giacometti (sculptor) The church is the great lost and found department.
-- Robert Short Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. Taxes
"It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company." (George Washington) "Not by wrath does one kill, but by laughter." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "You make 'em, I amuse 'em." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991, on children) They will say you are on the wrong road, if it is your own.
-- Antonio Porchi "We have so little presumption that we should like to be known in the world, even to those who come after when we are no more. We have so little vanity that the esteem of five people, say six, amuses Taxes If you cannot be the master of your language, you must be its slave. If you cannot examine your
thoughts, you have no choice but to think them, however silly they may be.
-- Richard Mitchell, from blah "Some of the worlds greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible. unattributed" (Anonymous) Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same
direction.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry Taxes
"The key to wisdom is knowing all the right questions." (John A. Simone Jr.) The best defense is a good offense.
-- Anonymous The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain There is no one so bound to his own face that he does not cherish the hope of presenting another
to the world.
-- Antonio Machado There are trivial truths, and there are great truths. The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false.
The opposite of a great truth is also true.
-- Neils Bohr Taxes The worth of the state, in the long run, is the worth of the individuals composing it.
-- John Stuart Mill The authority of those who teach is often an obstacle to those who want to learn.
-- Cicero "Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes." (Oscar Wilde) Taxes
I love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul.
-- Jean Cocteau It is best to learn as we go, not go as we have learned.
-- Leslie Jeanne Sahler Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas
doctors rob you and kill you too.
-- Anton Chekhov "In times of change learners inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists." (Eric Hoffer) I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
-- Sam Kinison Taxes When people go to work, they shouldn't have to leave their hearts at home.
-- Betty Bender If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner "No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave." (Calvin Coolidge) Taxes
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to
take away.
- Antoine de Saint Exupery "The mark of our time is its revulsion against imposed patterns." (Marshall McLuhan) Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just
flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are going.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes The west wasn't won on salad.
-- ND Beef Council, billboard advertisement, 1990 Taxes Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.
-- Buddha The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars
-- Les Brown Taxes
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about 'short' and 'cheap'? -- Phyllis Diller My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! "Not only is there no guarantee of the temporal immortality of the human soul, that is to say of its eternal survival after death; but, in any case, this assumption completely fails to accomplish the When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his
cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that
Uncl Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labour in
freedom.
-- Albert Einstein Taxes If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
-- George Bernard Shaw "I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me." (George Bernard Shaw) In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Therefore:
? In time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its
duties.
? Work Taxes
I would have made a good Pope.
-- Richard Nixon, U.S. President "As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it." (Dick Cavett) "Does wisdom perhaps appear on the earth as a raven which is inspired by the smell of carrion?" (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.
-- Roger Babson "The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none." (Thomas Carlyle, 1795-1881) Taxes The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
-- Honore de Balzac Good hours, excellent pay, fun place to work, paid training, mean boss. Oh well, four out of five
isn't bad.
-- Help Wanted Ad, PA newspaper, 1994 You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
-- Mark Twain Taxes
The best time to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
-- Josh Billings The great man fights the elements in his time that hinder his own greatness, in other words his own freedom and sincerity." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "Every act of violence increases the recruitment of terrorists. Iraq has been turned into a base of terror." (Noam Chomsky, from The Toronto Star, March 23, 2004) If there is any one proof of a man's incompetence, it is the stagnant mentality of a worker who,
doing some small routine job in a vast undertaking, does not care to look beyond the lever of a
machi Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
-- Carl Gustav Jung Taxes When people go to work, they shouldn't have to leave their hearts at home.
-- Betty Bender "I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." (James Madison) Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. Taxes
