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Suicide is belated acquiescence in the opinion of one's wife's relatives. How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it
a leg.
-- Abraham Lincoln In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been
widely regarded as a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams Never look at the trombones. You'll only encourage them.
-- Richard Strauss, on conducting "We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones." (Andrew A. Rooney) Education The mistakes are all waiting to be made.
- chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956) on the game's opening position "I couldn't find the sports car of my dreams, so I built it myself." (Dr. Ferdinand Porsche) My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it. Education
The real test of friendship is: Can you literally do nothing with the other person? Can you enjoy
together those moments of life that are utterly simple? They are the moments people looks back
on at Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out. Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to.
-- Shane Leslie Cute little babies that fall out of swings - These are a few of my favourite things.
-- Oscar Hammerstein, working lyric for a piece from "The Sound of Music" I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
-- William Butler Yeats, from "He wishes for the cloths of heaven" Education Women are like tea bags; put them in hot water and they get stronger.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
-- Henry Kissinger "In my opinion, the greatest single failure of American education is that students come away unable to distinguish between a symbol and the thing the symbol stands for." (Paul Lutus) Education
We live at a time when man believes himself fabulously capable of creation, but he does not
know what to create.
-- Jose Ortega y Gasset Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses.
-- Anon. Virtue is like health: the harmony of the whole man.
-- Thomas Carlyle For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.
-- Clifton Fadiman Experience teaches only the teachable.
-- Aldous Huxley Education "Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect every one who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are ine The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.
-- Shirley MacLaine "The last Christian died on the cross." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Education
Cricket is best described as organised loafing.
-- Anonymous British Radio Broadcaster, 1996 Love matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn
themselves to a life of vinegar.
-- Countess of Blessington Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.
-- Norman R. Augustine "In fact, most deaths are not tragic. Few people die because of a flaw in character, which is the essential element of tragedy. They just die." (John Chancellor, The News Business) "To educate educators! But the first ones must educate themselves! And for these I write." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Education "Freedom of press is limited to those who own one." (Henry Louis Mencken) You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they
do.
-- Olin Miller There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
-- George Bernard Shaw Education
Laundry increases exponentially in the number of children.
-- Miriam Robbins "The concerned investment banker is the one who blows the horn on his Mercedes as he drives through a red light." (Anonymous) Women are like tea bags; put them in hot water and they get stronger.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Albert Einstein Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
-- George Bernard Shaw Education When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
-- Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin, 1973 I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got. Ridicule is generally made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking
everything praiseworthy in human life.
-- Joseph Addison Education
Truth can be a dangerous thing. It is quite patient and relentless.
-- R. Scott Richards My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
-- Christopher Morley Our elections are free - it's in the results where eventually we pay.
-- Bill Stern The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing that you will make one.
-- Ellen Hubbard "Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong." (Muhammad Ali) Education "We have to be able to criticise what we love, to say what we have to say 'cause if your not trying to make something better, than as far as I can tell, you are just in the way." (Ani Difranco) Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.
-- Niels Bohr blah "Each friend represents a world in us; a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only in meeting them that a new world is born." (Anais Nin) Education
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991) I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, including:
* Both of your socks should always be the same color
* Or they should at least both be fairly dark
-- Dave Barry "What dies if freedom lives? What lives if freedom dies?" (Lindsay Anderson, British filmmaker, from if.... (1968) The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to
contact us.
-- Bill Watterson, in his comic strip Calvin and Hobbes Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
- Bertrand Russell Education Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
-- Anon. If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
-- Albert Einstein I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department
store and he asked for my autograph.
-- Shirley Temple Black Education
I don't know anything about luck. I've never banked on it, and I'm afraid of people who do. Luck to
me is something else; hard work and realizing what is opportunity and what isn't.
-- Lucille Ball Love is the same as like except you feel sexier.
-- Judith Viorst There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
- Frank Zappa No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in
love with him first.
-- Cesare Pavese If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be
closed for any other business.
-- Abraham Lincoln Education Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
-- H. L. Mencken Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
-- Carol Burnett I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain Education
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo... "When you have nothing to say, say nothing." (Charles Caleb Colton) "Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970) Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than
yourself.
-- William Faulkner The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.
-- Lou Holtz Education Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to
us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
-- Jeff Raskin I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
-- Bill Hoest "When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory." (Friedrich Wilhelm Ni Education
"Frank and explicit; that is the right line to take when you wish to conceal your own mind and to confuse the minds of others." (Benjamin Disraeli, Sybil) You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
-- Ziggy, character in comic strip by Tom Wilson The more we do, the more we can do; the more busy we are the more leisure we have.
-- William Hazlitt Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
-- Wynn Catlin, also attributed to Will Rogers The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
-- B. F. Skinner Education "It seems to me that almost all our sadnesses are moments of tension, which we feel as paralysis because we no longer hear our astonished emotions living." (Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poe This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold
of a hammer.
-- Will Rogers If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor
one.
-- Dr. W.C. Heuper of the National Cancer Institute, as quoted in the New York Times on Apri Education
Even overweight cats instinctively know the cardinal rule: when fat, arrange yourself in slim
poses.
-- John Weitz, American Designer The artist alone sees spirits. But after he has told of their appearing to him, everybody sees them.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe I will try to follow the advice that a university president once gave a prospective commencement
speaker. "Think of yourself as the body at an Irish wake" he said. "They need you in order to have
th Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.
-- Ken Dodd The authority of those who teach is often an obstacle to those who want to learn.
-- Cicero Education To die for an idea is to set a rather high price on conjecture.
-- Anatole France Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the
second, "For my best friend."
-- Anonymous For the memory of love is sweet, though the love itself were in vain. And what I have lost of
pleasure, assuage what I find of pain.
-- Lyster Education
