In the end, everything is a gag.
- Charlie Chaplin I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.
-- Barbara Bush, first lady, 1989 The advice your son rejected is now being given by him to your grandson. "We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." (Jeff Marder) You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
-- Dolly Parton Holidays We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report.
-- Louis Nel, Deputy Minister of Information, South Africa My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way. Each religion, by the help of more or less myth which it takes more or less seriously, proposes
some method of fortifying the human soul and enabline it to make its peace with its destiny.
-- George Holidays
Someday is not a day of the week.
-- Anon. Honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times.
-- Jonson, Ben Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
-- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle We seek the comfort of another. Someone to share and share the life we choose. Someone to
help us through the neverending attempt to understand ourselves. And in the end, someone to
comfort us along "In times of change learners inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists." (Eric Hoffer) Holidays I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
-- Woody Allen Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.
-- Danny Kaye If a man is talking in the forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
-- Jenny Weber Holidays
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
- Charles de Gaulle "No one wants a good education. Everyone wants a good degree." (Lee Rudolph) "Ah! Don't say you agree with me. When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." (Oscar Wilde) "Ah! Don't say you agree with me. When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." (Oscar Wilde) After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare Holidays Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
-- Mark Twain I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
- Cicero I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.
-- Adela Rogers St. John Holidays
Why yes -- a bulletproof vest.
-- James Rodges, murderer, on his final request before the firing squad The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
-- Mark Twain All virtue is summed up in dealing justly.
-- Aristotle Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity.
-- Edward H. Land Holidays Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large
organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
-- Dave Barry No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in
love with him first.
-- Cesare Pavese Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love,
but no friendship.
-- Oscar Wilde Holidays
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
-- Gloria Steinem "The monster a child knows best and is most concerned with [is] the monster he feels or fears himself to be. " (Bruno Bettelheim, child psychologist) "Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism." (Dave Barry) The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because
generally they are the same people.
-- G. K. Chesterton Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the
gentleman.
-- Herbert Spencer Holidays You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.
-- Henry Ford I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.
-- Tom Lehrer "I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying, dead." (Oscar Wilde) Holidays
"I've decided something: Commercial things really do stink. As soon as it becomes commercial for a mass market it really stinks." (Andy Warhol, The Andy Warhol Diaries, 1989) An eye for an eye only leads to more blindness.
-- Margaret Atwood No wonder nobody comes here--it's too crowded.
-- Yogi Berra Soul meets soul on lovers lips.
-- Percy Bysshe Shelley "The mark of our time is its revulsion against imposed patterns." (Marshall McLuhan) Holidays There are only two things a child will share willingly communicable diseases and his mother's
age.
-- Modern Maturity The most savage controversies are about those matters as to which there is no good evidence
either way.
-- Bertrand Russell Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. Holidays
"Everyone is a bore to someone. That is unimportant. The thing to avoid is being a bore to oneself." (Gerald Brenan) Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
- George Burns "We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly." (Bill Mahe Joy is but the sign that creative emotion is fulfilling its purpose.
-- Charles Du Bos The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
-- Oscar Wilde Holidays "Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss." (Hal Holbrook, Wallstreet) The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
-- ROBERT FROST If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?
-- Calvin Trillin Holidays
"How can we know the dancer from the dance?" (William Butler Yeats) Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that
can be shot when it breaks down.
-- Russell Baker "I'm the artist formally known as Beck. I have a genius wig. When I put that wig on, then the true genius emerges. I don't have enough hair to be a genius. I think you have to have hair going everywhe The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.
-- Shirley MacLaine Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon
compounds that crawl.
-- Mike Adams Holidays "If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, sir, should keep his friendship in a constant repair." (Samuel Johnson) Whatever women do they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this
is not difficult.
-- Charlotte Whitton War is a profession by which a man cannot live honorably; an employment by which the soldier, if
he would reap any profit, is obliged to be false, rapacious, and cruel.
-- Niccolo Machiavelli Holidays
If God wanted women to understand men, football would never have been created.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.
-- H. L. Mencken Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
-- Henny Youngman Holidays Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you
get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a
"I expect nothing. I fear no one. I am free." (Nikos Kazantzakis) Early to rise and early to bed.
Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
-- James Thurber Holidays
Marry in haste, repent in leisure.
-- Tilney Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it.
-- Tom Robbins "Life is measured by the rapidity of change, the succession of influences that modify the being." (George Eliot) You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it.
-- W.S. Gilbert One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: "Give little, give seldom, and above all,
give grudgingly." Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of
sexual Holidays He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
-- Anonymous "Does wisdom perhaps appear on the earth as a raven which is inspired by the smell of carrion?" (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Of the seven dwarves, only Dopey had a shaven face. This should tell us something about the
custom of shaving.
-- Tom Robbins, Skinny Legs and All Holidays
Consequences, schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich!
-- Chuck Jones-directed cartoon History is more or less bunk.
-- Henry Ford "One of the things about acting is it allows you to live other people's lives without having to pay the price. I've never been one of those actors who has touted myself as a fascinating human being. I An understanding heart is everything is a teacher, and cannot be esteemed highly enough. One
looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our
human "I run to see who has the most guts." (Steve Roland Prefontaine) Holidays Some men are born with cold feet; some acquire cold feet; and some have cold feet thrust upon
them.
-- Anonymous "There are some enterprises in which a careful disorderliness is the true method." (Herman Melville, Moby Dick) "Some people wear their heart up on their sleeve. I wear mine underneath my right pant leg, strapped to my boot." (Ani Difranco) Holidays
