Jake liked his women the way he liked his kiwi fruit: sweet yet tart, firm-fleshed yet yielding to the
touch, and covered with short brown fuzzy hair.
-- Jonathan S. Haas "Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women ... and the other ten percent I wasted." (Tug McGraw, Major League Baseball pitcher) "Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours." (Dale "There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience." (Archibald McLeish) We must believe in free will, we have no choice.
-- Isaac B. Singer Humour "Drugs have done a lot of good. A lot of good songs have been written. 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. 'Dark Side of the Moon?' 100 dead kids. At least that many were conceived by people listening "Use what talents you possess; The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." (William Blake) "To be great is to be misunderstood." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Humour
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
-- Groucho Marx It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
- Oscar Wilde "We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly." (Bill Mahe Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own
language and forthwith it is something entirely different.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "If a man has good corn, or wood, or boards, or pigs to sell, or can make better chairs or knives, crucibles, or church organs, than anybody else, you will find a broad, hard-beaten road to his house, Humour Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately
becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in
those tiny toil "He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself." (Thomas Paine) To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
- Oscar Wilde Humour
If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
-- George Bernard Shaw To read a writer is for me not merely to get an idea of what he says, but to go off with him and travel in his company.
Andre Gide Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because
we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever, When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
-- Clarence Darrow Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
-- Carl Gustav Jung Humour It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
- Aristotle "What sculpture is to a block of marble, education is to a human soul." (Joseph Addison) Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of
hers.
-- Anonymous Humour
"One often contradicts an opinion when what is uncongenial is really the tone in which it was conveyed." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Per cubic inch, your current TV set is perhaps the dumbest appliance in your home (and I'm not
even talking about the programs).
-- Nicholas Negroponte You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
- Gilbert Keith Chesterton Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does
come, we no longer exist.
-- Epicurus An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.
-- Niels Bohr Humour Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.
-- Samuel Johnson When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
-- Clarence Darrow It is not necessary that whilst I live I live happily; but it is necessary that so long as I live I should
live honourably.
-- Kant, Immanuel Humour
A beauty is a woman you notice; A charmer is one who notices you.
-- Adlai Stevenson Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
-- Oliver Herford Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
-- William Congreve This world is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.
-- Horace Walpole Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor Humour "A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward." (Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1882 - 1945, 32nd U.S. President) We haven't the money, so we've got to think.
-- Lord Rutherford "It seems to me that there are two kinds of trickery: the 'fronts' people assume before one another's eyes, and the 'front' a writer puts on the face of reality." (Francois Sagan) Humour
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
-- Charles Schultz Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
- Auric Goldfinger, in Goldfinger by Ian L. Fleming A woman's always younger than a man of equal years.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Aurora Leigh The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one. Humour I hate mankind, for I think myself to be one of them, and I know how bad I am.
-- Samuel Johnson Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
-- Frank L. Visco, How to Write Good If you cannot be the master of your language, you must be its slave. If you cannot examine your
thoughts, you have no choice but to think them, however silly they may be.
-- Richard Mitchell, from Humour
Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
-- David Chambless It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-- Gore Vidal A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.
-- Anonymous Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
-- Anthony Burgess You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
-- John Ciardi Humour We have drugs to make women speak, but none to keep them silent.
-- Anatole France The remarkable thing about television is that it permits several million people to laugh at the same
joke and still feel lonely.
-- T. S. Eliot Flowers are words which even a baby can understand.
-- Arthur C. Coxe Humour
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
-- Victor Hugo "What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) I base my fashion sense on what doesn't itch.
-- Gilda Radner Flowers are words which even a baby can understand.
-- Arthur C. Coxe Humour Give me a museum and I'll fill it.
-- Pablo Picasso Good judgement comes from experience, and experience--well, that comes from poor judgement.
-- Cousin Woodman The story of a love is not important - what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps
the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity.
-- Helen Hayes Humour
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson I do not have much patience with a thing of beauty that must be explained to be understood. If it
does need additional interpretation by someone other than the creator, then I question whether it
ha This compact disc is made from analog masters recorded without noise reduction. Half the tracks,
in fact, were recorded in a dismal, cheap basement eight-track studio with puddles of water on
the fl "If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, The Will to Power, 1888) "One pretty good definition of college is that it's a place where people are made to read difficult books." (Jonathan Franzen) Humour Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.
-- David Starr Jordan In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
-- Adlai Stevenson In the spider-web of facts, many a truth is strangled.
-- Paul Eldridge Humour
The fantasy which serves as a support for the figure of the Stalinist Communist is therefore
exactly the same as the fantasy which is at work in the Tom and Jerry cartoons.
-- Slavoj Zizek The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the
false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.
-- Salvador Dali However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my usual manner...sulking and nausea.
-- Tom K. Ryan "Everywhere one seeks to produce meaning, to make the world signify, to render it visible. We are not, however, in danger of lacking meaning; quite the contrary, we are gorged with meaning and it is k I'm not dumb, I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
-- Calvin Humour Music is the art of thinking with sounds.
-- Jules Combarieu "Nothing has been purchased more dearly than the little bit of reason and sense of freedom which now constitutes our pride." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever. Humour
"Have love for your friend up to a limit for it is possible he may turn into your enemy some day; and hate your enemy up to a limit for it is possible he may turn into your friend some day." (Ali bin For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good
results: drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
-- Laundry instructions on a shirt We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we
respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
-- H. L. Mencken "I never learned from a man who agreed with me." (Robert A. Heinlein) A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
-- Walter Winchell Humour Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I
love you."
-- Erich Fromm Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
- Robert Frost We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.
-- Will Rogers Humour
