There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and
flattens the stomachs.
-- Barbara Howar A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
-Robert Frost (1874-1963) "There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it." (Christopher Darlington Morley) Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not
there, I go to work.
-- Robert Orben I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
-- Katherine Cebrian Government The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.
-- Lord Byron "I run to see who has the most guts." (Steve Roland Prefontaine) In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty.
-- Christopher Morley Government
Seeing much, suffering much, and studying much, are the three pillars of learning.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Life is a succession of lessons enforced by immediate reward, or, oftener, by immediate
chastisement.
-- Ernest Dimnet "If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change." (John A. Simone Sr.) You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little pot belly and a bald
spot.
-- Elayne Boosler I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how
to make it interesting.
-- Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hal Government "The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize." (Robert Hughes) The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
-- Joseph Heller, God Knows I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin Government
I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.
-- Albert Einstein What does not kill me makes me stronger.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
-- Virginia Woolf "A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car." (Kenneth Tynan) The covers of this book are too far apart.
-- Ambrose Bierce Government I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all
the time. That would be hypocrisy.
-- Oscar Wilde The charm of history and its enigmatic lesson consist in the fact that, from age to age, nothing
changes and yet everything is completely different.
-- Aldous Huxley An economic forecaster is like a cross-eyed javelin thrower: they don't win many accuracy
contests, but they keep the crowd's attention.
-- Anonymous Government
A man who marries a woman to educate her falls a victim to the same fallacy as the woman who
marries a man to reform him.
-- Elbert Hubbard Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree
to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. you only need a heart full
of grac Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.
-- Anaïs Nin "Conform and be dull." (J. Frank Doble) Honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times.
-- Jonson, Ben Government "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." (Bible, Proverbs 16:24) The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too.
When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing
extraordinary After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare Government
To correct a natural indifference I was placed half-way between misery and the sun. Misery kept
me from believing that all was well under the sun, and the sun taught me that history wasn't
everythin Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.
-- Niels Bohr The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.
-- P. J. O'Rourke Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have
had any experience with them.
-- H. L. Mencken Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an
automobile.
-- Billy Sunday Government Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Cat's Cradle Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You're able to
benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment.
-- Ralph Mars "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." (Andy Warhol) Government
By the time (the Leaning Tower of Pisa) was 10% built, everyone knew it would be a total
disaster. But the investment was so big they felt compelled to go on. Since its completion, it cost
a fortune "That's the true sign. If the lover has not yet achieved his prize, his eyes will follow the woman, while she appears indifferent. But once he's gained his goal, it's the woman's eyes that follow him, Whoever controls the media--the images--controls the culture.
-- Allen Ginsberg Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
-- Henry Ford Matters of religion should never be matters of controversy. We neither argue with a lover about
his taste, not condemn him, if we are just, for knowing so human a passion.
-- George Santayana Government When Michelangelo finished the painting of the Sistine Chapel's ceiling, he spent the rest of his
life trying to remove the paint that had poured into his sleeve.
-- Francois Cavanna "Nothing is permanent but change." (Heraclitus) "Vegiburgers are wrong." (Mike Kaup) Government
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
-- Aristotle Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire.
-- Jean de La Fontaine Great eaters and great sleepers are incapable of anything else that is great.
-- William Shakespeare, Henry IV "The most beautiful things in the world are the most useless, peacocks and lilies, for instance." (John Ruskin) By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you
will become a philosopher.
-- Socrates Government "The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?' he asked. 'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'" (Lewi The soul is healed by being with children.
-- Fyodor Dostoyevski "Beauty without expression is boring." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Government
Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.
- James Stephens Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
-- Aldous Huxley "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." (Mark Twain) Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
-- Bertrand Russell "I've just had eighteen straight whiskies. I think that's the record." (Dylan Thomas, final words) Government Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.
-- Jim Beggs "Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect every one who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are ine If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
-- Albert Einstein Government
A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke
or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow.
-- Charles Brower Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
-- Frank L. Visco, How to Write Good Correction: Instead of being arrested, as we stated, for kicking his wife down a flight of stairs and hurling a lighted kerosene lamp after her, the Rev. James P. Wellman died unmarried four years ago Women are like tea bags; put them in hot water and they get stronger.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt "Workers of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your chains." (Karl Marx) Government "He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself." (Thomas Paine) Opera in English is, in the main, about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
-- H. L. Mencken What do you take me for, an idiot?
- General Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), when a journalist asked him if he was happy Government
It is well, when judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and
superior impartiality.
-- Arnold Bennett Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
-- Charles Schultz "In some ways, I never outgrew my adolescence. I wake up in the morning and think, 'Oh my God, I'm late for a math test!' But then I say, 'Wait a minute. I'm 40.'" (Daniel Clowes) Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
- Auric Goldfinger, in Goldfinger by Ian L. Fleming The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I
have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
- George Bernard Shaw Government I don't know anything about luck. I've never banked on it, and I'm afraid of people who do. Luck to
me is something else; hard work and realizing what is opportunity and what isn't.
-- Lucille Ball It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are
difficult.
-- Seneca Great ability develops and reveals itself increasingly with every new assignment. Baltasar
Gracian Government
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at
the same time.
- Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair "The biggest argument against democracy is a five minute discussion with the average voter." (Sir Winston Churchill, 1874-1965) It makes no difference who you vote for - the two parties are really one party representing four
percent of the people.
-- Gore Vidal My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a
philosopher.
- Socrates Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments.
-- Rose Kennedy Government Icky icky icky icky fKANG zoop-boing n zowzyin...
-- The Knights who so recently said "Nee!", Monty Python, British comedy television show I hate women because they always know where things are.
-- James Thurber "Where there's a marriage without love there will be love without marriage." (Benjamin Franklin) Government
