"If you believe everything you read, you better not read." (Japanese Proverb) Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem
mild harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's
chara If I tell a lie it's only because I think I'm telling the truth.
-- Phil Gaglardi, Minister of Highways, British Columbia, Canada I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin The Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute
for life.
-- Andrew Brown Television He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior.
-- Confucius "A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you." (Bert Leston Taylor) I have read your book and much like it.
-- Moses Hadas, book reviewer Television
They gave me a book of checks. They didn't ask for any deposits.
-- Joe Early, Congressman (D-Mass), at a press conference to answer questions about the
House Bank scandal I was a pilot flying an airplane and it just so happened that where I was flying made what I was
doing spying.
-- Francis Gary Power, U-2 reconnaissance pilot held by the Soviets for spying, in an i The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
-- Thomas Jefferson Give me a museum and I'll fill it.
-- Pablo Picasso Effort is only effort when it begins to hurt.
-- Jose Ortega y Gasset Television "Everything in my life has been determined by mistakes." (Gene Wilder) "Genius without education is like silver in the mine." (Benjamin Franklin) The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
-- Paul Ehrlich Television
I'll sleep when I'm dead.
- Warren Zevon Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones.
-- Phillip Brooks "Everyone is a bore to someone. That is unimportant. The thing to avoid is being a bore to oneself." (Gerald Brenan) I have a daughter who goes to SMU. She could've gone to UCLA here in California, but it's one
more letter she'd have to remember.
-- Shecky Greene "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." (Ambrose Redmoon) Television Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr. Twenty years fron now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones
you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in
your Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.
-- Virginia Woolf Television
"It is a curious thing that God learned Greek when he wished to turn author--and that he did not learn it better." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so you apologize for truth.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs. "Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women ... and the other ten percent I wasted." (Tug McGraw, Major League Baseball pitcher) The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and
remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't
work and the Television I have a daughter who goes to SMU. She could've gone to UCLA here in California, but it's one
more letter she'd have to remember.
-- Shecky Greene Jake liked his women the way he liked his kiwi fruit: sweet yet tart, firm-fleshed yet yielding to the
touch, and covered with short brown fuzzy hair.
-- Jonathan S. Haas A conclusion is the place where you got tired thinking.
-- Martin H. Fischer Television
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
-- Thomas Edison Work expands to fill the time available.
-- PARKINSON'S LAW "Do not go gentle into that good night. Old age should burn and rave at close of day. Rage, rage against the dying of the light." (Dylan Thomas) "I would rather die standing than live on my knees!" (Emiliano Zapata) You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
-- Al Capone Television Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for
him.
-- Rich Little The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
-- Lily Tomlin Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire.
-- Jean de La Fontaine Television
"I do not suppose I shall be remembered for anything. But I don't think about my work in those terms. It is just as vulgar to work for the sake of posterity as to work for the sake of money." (George I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.
-- Albert Einstein I regret that I have but one life to give for my country.
-- Nathan Hale Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked
where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration.
-- D. H. Lawrence Television I hate work. That's why I got married.
-- Peg Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show Stung by the splendour of a sudden thought.
-- Robert Browning I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
- Frederick (II) the Great Television
Courage: doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.
-- Eddie Rickenbacker You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
-- Dolly Parton Use your own best judgment at all times.
-- The entire Nordstrom's Department Stores policy manual We must become the change we want to see.
-- Gandhi Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
- Napoleon Bonaparte Television All you need is love.
-- The Beatles, song title If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
-- Harry Shearer Flowers are words which even a baby can understand.
-- Arthur C. Coxe Television
In medieval times, people thought that evil spirits could enter a person through an open mouth.
These days they more often leave that way.
-- David Deckert I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like
toxic waste.
-- David Bissonette "The overman ... Who has organized the chaos of his passions, given style to his character, and become creative. Aware of life's terrors, he affirms life without resentment." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietz You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little pot belly and a bald
spot.
-- Elayne Boosler Age does not protect you from love but love to some extent protects you from age.
-- Jeanne Moreau Television The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.
-- Lord Byron You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
-- Al Capone "Nothing has been purchased more dearly than the little bit of reason and sense of freedom which now constitutes our pride." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Television
Never eat more than you can lift.
-- Miss Piggy, character on "The Muppet Show," U.S. television show A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
-- Navaho saying All virtue is summed up in dealing justly.
-- Aristotle Grow old with me! The best is yet to be!
-- Robert Browning The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only
way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste
time Television ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 "Our destiny exercises its influence over us even when, as yet, we have not learned its nature: it is our future that lays down the law of our today." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the
top.
-- Ed Abbey Television
Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn't have anything to do with it. Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.
-- Ralph Marston Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
- Jean-Paul Sartre Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that
can be shot when it breaks down.
-- Russell Baker "A man is only as faithful as his opportunity." (Chris Rock) Television A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
-- Paul Valery I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
-- Douglas Adams "I had discovered that a person does not have to be this or be that or be anything, not even oneself. One is free." (Walker Percy, The Moviegoer) Television
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Goethe "Twelve magicians and two carnies have been shot dead doing the bullet catch. That's cool enough, but every night when we close our show with that trick and the loaded gun gets pointed in my face, it To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother--I want to marry one who makes dough like her father. The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
-- Lily Tomlin The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may
well be another profound truth.
-- Niels Bohr Television "I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." (James Madison) "Nothing touches a work of art so little as words of criticism: they always result in more or less fortunate misunderstandings." (Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet) blah "It is a grand mistake to think of being great without goodness and I pronounce it as certain that there was never a truly great man that was not at the same time truly virtuous." (Benjamin Fran Television
