Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. -- Borge "I don't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones." (John Cage) "Children spell love...T-I-M-E." (Dr. Anthony P. Witham) If a thing is worth doing at all, it is worth doing badly.
-- Gustav Holst, on amateur music-making Genius has somewhat of the infantine; But of the childish not a touch or taint.
-- Robert Browning Q Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-
Box.
-- Wil Shriner If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.
-- Kingsley Amis Twenty years fron now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones
you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in
your Q
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx "No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, g We see the brightness of a new page where everything yet can happen.
-- Rainer Maria Rilke, Book of Hours Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
-- Mark Twain There are no days in life so memorable as those which vibrated to some stroke of the
imagination.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Q I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me
is another matter.
- Sir Winston Churchill I hate mankind, for I think myself to be one of them, and I know how bad I am.
-- Samuel Johnson The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
-- Joseph Heller, God Knows Q
He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior.
-- Confucius Whining is not only graceless, but can be dangerous. It can alert a brute that a victim is in the
neighborhood.
-- Maya Angelou "Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you, they belong not to you. You may gi Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before
marriage, which is never advisable.
-- Oscar Wilde While we are postponing, life speeds by.
- Seneca (3BC - 65AD) Q Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
- Mark Twain A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.
-- Anonymous Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
-- Soren Kierkegaard Q
"Talent does what it can; genius does what it must." (Edward Robert Bulwer-Lytton) "Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect every one who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are ine After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely
pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent "In order to keep anything cultural, logical, or ideological, you have to reinvent the reality of it." (Ani Difranco) I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like
toxic waste.
-- David Bissonette Q "Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970) "The market is not an invention of capitalism. It has existed for centuries. It is an invention of civilization." (Mikhail Gorbachev, June 8, 1990) Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
- Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan. Q
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-
Box.
-- Wil Shriner I've been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years. Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back.
- Paul Erdos "The man who never made a mistake never made anything." (Derek Longdon, Tongariro Power Development, Turangi, New Zealand) "I have the terrible feeling that, because I am wearing a white beard and am sitting in the back of the theatre, you expect me to tell you the truth about something. These are the cheap seats, not Mou Q The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage. Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labour in
freedom.
-- Albert Einstein It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
-- Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker Q
Happiness is nothing more than health and a poor memory.
-- Albert Schweitzer Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not
there, I go to work.
- Robert Orben You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war they kill you in a new way.
-- Will Rogers Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get
money from it.
-- Stephen Leacock "If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, The Will to Power, 1888) Q Sleep is that golden chain that ties health and our bodies together.
-- Thomas Dekker Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is
not a conservative, has no brains.
-- Winston Churchill It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-- Gore Vidal Q
Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You're able to
benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment.
-- Ralph Mars Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.
-- Buddha Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
-- Lisa Hoffman Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of
sin.
-- John Von Neuman Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. Q A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house.
-- Moliere "When you have nothing to say, say nothing." (Charles Caleb Colton) The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to
contact us.
-- Bill Watterson, in his comic strip Calvin and Hobbes Q
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
- General Douglas MacArthur Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
-- Soren Kierkegaard A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants.
-- Arthur Schoperhauer The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this
is true.
-- James Branch Cabell, The Silver Stallion The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live Q "Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills." (Minna Antrim) To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
- Oscar Wilde When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find
that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our
pain Q
Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs. What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
-- Abraham Lincoln "Failure is not an option!" (Ed Harris, as Gene Kranz, Apollo 13) Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-
proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe
is Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...and the only one that can be mass
produced with unskilled labor.
-- Wernher von Braun Q No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why.
-- Mignon McLaughlin "He who cannot give anything away cannot feel anything either." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have
had any experience with them.
-- H. L. Mencken Q
"Genius without education is like silver in the mine." (Benjamin Franklin) What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is
the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
-- Crow Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
-- Josh Billings "There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it." (Christopher Darlington Morley) "When once you have tasted flight you will always walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward: for there you have been and there you will always be." (Henry Van Dyke) Q Jake liked his women the way he liked his kiwi fruit: sweet yet tart, firm-fleshed yet yielding to the
touch, and covered with short brown fuzzy hair.
-- Jonathan S. Haas Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the
wrong remedies.
-- Groucho Marx It is important that students bring a certain ragamuffin, barefoot, irreverence to their studies; they
are not here to worship what is known, but to question it.
-- J. Bronowski, The Ascent of Man Q
Washing one's hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with
the powerful, not to be neutral.
-- Paulo Freire Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-
inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least
expect i Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing
popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
-- Dave Barry I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, including:
* Both of your socks should always be the same color
* Or they should at least both be fairly dark
-- Dave Barry "The act of policing is, in order to punish less often, to punish more severely." (Napoleon Bonaparte) Q A beauty is a woman you notice; A charmer is one who notices you.
-- Adlai Stevenson "To be great is to be misunderstood." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." (John Benfield) Q
