"One pretty good definition of college is that it's a place where people are made to read difficult books." (Jonathan Franzen) "When even one American--who has done nothing wrong--is forced by fear to shut his mind and close his mouth--then all Americans are in peril." (Harry S. Truman) Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in
a car he sticks his head out the window.
-- Steve Bluestone "What dies if freedom lives? What lives if freedom dies?" (Lindsay Anderson, British filmmaker, from if.... (1968) In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Therefore:
? In time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its
duties.
? Work MacAlpine I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how
to make it interesting.
-- Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hal A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
-- Paul Valery blah "Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he, then be trusted with the government of others? Or have we found angels in the form of kings to govern him? MacAlpine
Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker
room is the temple where they worship arrested development.
-- Russell Baker Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
-- Victor Hugo It is well, when judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and
superior impartiality.
-- Arnold Bennett The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is
that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.
-- Anonymous Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by
definition, is unassailable.
-- James Baldwin, Nobody Knows My Name, 1961 MacAlpine Honor lies in honest toil.
-- Grover Cleveland "We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly." (Bill Mahe Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you
have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not.
-- Aldous Huxley MacAlpine
In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats.
-- English Proverb "A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Correction: Instead of being arrested, as we stated, for kicking his wife down a flight of stairs and hurling a lighted kerosene lamp after her, the Rev. James P. Wellman died unmarried four years ago Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...and the only one that can be mass
produced with unskilled labor.
-- Wernher von Braun It is not because it is difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are
difficult.
-- Lucius Anneaus Seneca MacAlpine "Fake is as old as the Eden tree." (George Orson Welles) How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create
it herself.
- Anais Nin Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
-- Don Stanford MacAlpine
"This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one." (Arthur C. Clarke) One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is
terribly important.
-- Bertrand Russell We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
- Niels Bohr You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little pot belly and a bald
spot.
-- Elayne Boosler "One of the great dangers in having a career is getting bored." (Itzhak Perlman) MacAlpine "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." (Sharon Stone) I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all
over it and put your name at the top.
-- English Professor, Ohio University Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
-- John F. Kennedy MacAlpine
"...when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes) "I learned more from the one restaurant that didn't work than from all the ones that were successes." (Wolfgang Puck, restauranteur) "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." (Oscar Wilde) Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
- Isaac Asimov Tear open packet, unfold and use.
-- Directions on moist towelette package MacAlpine In the past decade or so, the women's magazines have taken to running home-handyperson
articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are
apparently based blah "There is a melancholy that stems from greatness." (Sébastien-Roch Nicolas Chamfort, 1740/41-1794) Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. MacAlpine
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going
to make fun of you.
-- Woody Allen Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.
-- Simeon Strunsky Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
-- Thomas Jones A small family is soon provided for.
-- English Proverb "Humanity has won its battle. Liberty now has a country." (Marquis de Lafayette) MacAlpine Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
- Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat I think, therefore I'm single.
-- Female philosopher The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the
false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.
-- Salvador Dali MacAlpine
Saying that Windows95 is equal to Macintosh is like finding a potato that looks like Jesus and
believing you've witnessed the second coming.
-- Guy Kawasaki The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx A man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. He sits on a hot stove for a
minute, it's longer than any hour. That is relativity.
-- Albert Einstein "A man who flies from his fear may find he has only taken a shortcut to meet it." (John Ronald Reuel Tolkien) What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
-- Abraham Lincoln MacAlpine "Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." (G. Randolf) "An imbalance between rich and poor is the oldest and most fatal ailment of all republics." (Plutarch) We seek the comfort of another. Someone to share and share the life we choose. Someone to
help us through the neverending attempt to understand ourselves. And in the end, someone to
comfort us along MacAlpine
That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the
lessons that history has to teach.
-- Aldous Huxley If you are all wrapped up in yourself, you are overdressed
-- Kate Halverson The real questions are the ones that obtrude upon your consciousness whether you like it or not,
the ones that make your mind start vibrating like a jackhammer, the ones that you 'come to terms
with [You reporters] should have printed what he meant, not what he said.
-- Earl Bush, press aide to Richard Daley Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
-- G. K. Chesterton MacAlpine Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
-- Sun Tzu Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
-- Mark Twain Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
-- Carl Gustav Jung MacAlpine
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they
do.
-- Olin Miller He would make a lovely corpse.
- Charles Dickens An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
-- Robert A. Humphrey Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
-- Albert Einstein "The feminists used to say that chivalry and ladyhood were ways of keeping women down and preventing them from standing toe to toe with the guys. Now you've got a lot of women saying that if a guy is MacAlpine Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar Wilde The nourishment is palatable.
-- Millard Fillmore, dying words In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains! MacAlpine
We have only one person to blame, and that's each other.
-- Barry Beck, New York Ranger, on who started a fight furing a hockey game It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
-- Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince "Man was born free and everywhere he is in chains." (Jean-Jacques Rousseau, French philosopher, The Social Contract) This is the miracle that happens every time to those who really love; the more they give, the more
they possess.
-- Rainer Maria Rilke Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and
cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.
-- Tom Robbins MacAlpine This isn't right, this isn't even wrong.
- Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist's paper Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. "A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops." (Henry B. Adams) MacAlpine
"Eschew the ordinary, disdain the commonplace. If you have a single-minded need for something, let it be the unusual, the esoteric, the bizarre, the unexpected..." (Chuck Jones) There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as
though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again be any war.
-- Pentagon official, on why US military censored graphic footage from the Gulf War For the memory of love is sweet, though the love itself were in vain. And what I have lost of
pleasure, assuage what I find of pain.
-- Lyster When you're experimenting you have to try so many things before you choose what you want,
and you may go days getting nothing but exhaustion.
-- Fred Astaire MacAlpine "Workers of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your chains." (Karl Marx) If you are going through hell, keep going.
- Sir Winston Churchill A man's reach should exeed his grasp, or else what's a heaven for?
-- Robert Browning MacAlpine
