In the past decade or so, the women's magazines have taken to running home-handyperson
articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are
apparently based "The brighter you are, the more you have to learn." (Don Herold) I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having
passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it.
-- Anonymous She felt in italics and thought in capitals.
-- Henry James Speeches and Lectures It was just him and me. He fought with honor. If it weren't for his honor, he and the others would
have beaten me together. They might have killed me, then. His sense of honor saved my life. I
didn' Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
-- Jim Backus May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife. Speeches and Lectures
"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for i have seen yesterday and i love today!" (William Allen White) "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world, indeed it is the only thing that ever has." (Margaret Mead, 1901-78) The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but you still have to mow it.
-- Anonymous Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
- Ambrose Bierce I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.
-- Tom Lehrer Speeches and Lectures To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it;
whenever you're right, shut up.
-- Ogden Nash Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon
compounds that crawl.
-- Mike Adams I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
- Irvin S. Cobb Speeches and Lectures
"The order of the world is always right - such is the judgment of God. For God has departed, but he has left his judgment behind, the way the Cheshire Cat left his grin." (Jean Baudrillard) Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.
-- George Bernard Shaw What is politics, after all, but the compulsion to preside over property and make other peoples'
decisions for them?
-- Tom Robbins, Skinny Legs and All The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage. "I have great faith in fools; My friends call it self-confidence." (Edger Allen Poe) Speeches and Lectures Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked
where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration.
-- D. H. Lawrence "Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational." (Charles Schultz) "Our destiny exercises its influence over us even when, as yet, we have not learned its nature: it is our future that lays down the law of our today." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Speeches and Lectures
Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with
the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals.
-- Cynthia Heimel Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In
this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
-- Marianne Williamson More than kisses, letters mingle souls.
-- John Donne Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.
-- Niels Bohr Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with
it.
-- Colin Powell Speeches and Lectures The health of the people is really the foundation upon which all their happiness and all their
powers as a State depend.
-- Benjamin Disraeli I believe God is managing affairs and that He doesn't need any advice from me. With God in
charge, I believe everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about.
-- Hen You can always amend a big plan, but you can never expand a little one. I don't believe in little
plans. I believe in plans big enough to meet a situation which we can't possibly foresee now.
-- Ha Speeches and Lectures
"The love of liberty is the love of others; the love of power is the love of ourselves." (William Hazlitt) There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good
marriage
-- Martin Luther Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.
-- James Baldwin "Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss." (Hal Holbrook, Wallstreet) "When a hundred men stand together, each of them loses his mind and gets another one." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Speeches and Lectures Well, I think that it's a- it's had some difficult times but I think we have- we, I think, have been able
to make some very good progress and it's- I would say that it's- it's- it's delightful that w The person who is slowest in making a promise is most faithful in its performance.
-- Jean-Jacques Rousseau He who limps is still walking.
-- Stanislaw J. Lec Speeches and Lectures
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." (Blaise Pascal) Here's to you and here's to me,
and I hope we never disagree.
But, if that should ever be,
to HELL with you, here's to ME!
-- Anonymous "The dancer's body is simply the luminous manifestation of the soul." (Isadora Duncan) "Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memories.
-- Stanislaw J. Lem Speeches and Lectures I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people
themselves.
-- August Strindberg In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
- W.B. Prescott In the past decade or so, the women's magazines have taken to running home-handyperson
articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are
apparently based Speeches and Lectures
Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. -- Cass Daley If we don't change the direction we are going,
We are likely to end up where we are heading.
-- Chinese saying Conversation, fastidious Goddess, loves blood better than brick, and feasts most subtly on the
human will.
-- Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway "One often contradicts an opinion when what is uncongenial is really the tone in which it was conveyed." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) There are three great friends: an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
-- Benjamin Franklin Speeches and Lectures Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
-- Groucho Marx When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
-- Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin, 1973 blah "Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure." (Thomas Alva Edison) Speeches and Lectures
We never live; we are always in the expectation of living.
-- Voltaire Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not
there, I go to work.
-- Robert Orben Some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away,
the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up, does rejoice. I guess I just miss my friend. The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their
attitudes of mind.
-- William James I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been.
-- Wayne Gretzky Speeches and Lectures May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters. With the catching end the pleasures of the chase.
-- Abraham Lincoln "Kill a man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a conquerer. Kill everyone, and you are a god." (Jean Rostand) Speeches and Lectures
A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no
religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear
of "I know that God won't give me more trouble than I can handle ... but sometimes I wish he wouldn't trust me so much." (Mother Teresa) cannot imagine any condition which would cause this ship to founder. Modern shipbuilding has
gone beyond that.
-- E. I. Smith, Captain of the Titanic Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking
campaign Speeches and Lectures "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991) "People drag their progeny around with them like a ball and chain, like some terrible deadweight that hinders their every move - and that, as often as not, effectively winds up killing them." (Michel No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why.
-- Mignon McLaughlin Speeches and Lectures
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
-- Ray Bandy Hope, like faith, is nothing if it is not courageous; it is nothing if it is not ridiculous.
-- Thornton Wilder Mathematics, rightly viewed, posses not only truth, but supreme beauty -- a beauty cold and
austere, like that of sculpture.
-- Bertrand Russell It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
- George Bernard Shaw "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Speeches and Lectures Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward.
-- Patricia Sampson I like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
-- Mae West All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Speeches and Lectures
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
-- Sun Tzu I think there are only three things America will be known for 2,000 years from now when they
study this civilization: the Constitution, jazz music, and baseball.
-- Gerald Early, writer, baseball do May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid. I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can
write better.
- A. J. Liebling An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
-- Robert A. Humphrey Speeches and Lectures Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up
our minds to walk boldly through them.
-- Orison Swett Marden Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "Careful?! Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a coat hanger while I was still in the womb?" (Trey Parker) Speeches and Lectures
