Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs. I have a daughter who goes to SMU. She could've gone to UCLA here in California, but it's one
more letter she'd have to remember.
-- Shecky Greene Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping. People only see what they are prepared to see.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's
arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.
-- Jonathan Carroll, Outside Playwrights [You reporters] should have printed what he meant, not what he said.
-- Earl Bush, press aide to Richard Daley "College professors are the people who can't hack it in the real world." (William Thomas) "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." (Mae West) Playwrights
"Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences." (Isadora Duncan) Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl yore mistakes.
-- Brendan Hills The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.
-- Albert Einstein I've been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years. "I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you and education." (Wilson Mizner) Playwrights An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -- Agatha Christie Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr. Every act of creation is first an act of destruction.
-- Pablo Picasso Playwrights
Food, one assumes, provides nourishment; but Americans eat it fully aware that small amounts of
poison have been added to improve its appearance and delay its putrefaction.
-- John Cage "It is a curious thing that God learned Greek when he wished to turn author--and that he did not learn it better." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory." (Friedrich Wilhelm Ni All science is concerned with the relationship of cause and effect. Each scientific discovery
increases man's ability to predict the consequences of his actions and thus his ability to control
futur Before marraige a man will like awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage
he will fall asleep before you have finished saying it.
-- Anon. Playwrights This isn't right, this isn't even wrong.
- Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist's paper "Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills." (Minna Antrim) I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. Playwrights
"Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong." (Muhammad Ali) Keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.
-- Roger Babson Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.
-- Al Bernstein My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in
bed with her.
-- Lenny Bruce Playwrights "These are days you'll remember." If you recall nothing else from your graduation ceremony,
remember you heard the New Jersey Governor quote from 10,000 Maniacs.
-- Christine Todd, NJ Governor, Whea The worth of the state, in the long run, is the worth of the individuals composing it.
-- John Stuart Mill I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said,
"Would you like some fries with that?"
-- Jay Leno Playwrights
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
-- Lily Tomlin I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
-- Anonymous If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes.
-- Richard Nixon, U.S. President To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties.
-- Arthur Schopenhauer Playwrights My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
-- Christopher Morley "Hold the fort! I am coming!" (General William Tecumseh Sherman) Wit is educated insolence.
- Aristotle Playwrights
As for the virtuous poor, one can pity them, of course, but one cannot possibly admire them.
-- Oscar Wilde "You believe that flag burning shows disrespect towards those who have fought to preserve our freedoms. Punishing protestors shows an even more profound disrespect for the ideals that these people die Every man knows his follies and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
-- Josh Billings "In large states public education will always be mediocre, for the same reason that in large kitchens the cooking is usually bad." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss." (Hal Holbrook, Wallstreet) Playwrights "Excellence is in the details. Give attention to the details and excellence will come." (Perry Paxton) Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
-- Woody Allen Playwrights
Launch out into the deep. One discovers by living in scorn of consequence.
-- Essie Summers Anything too stupid to be said, is sung.
-- Voltaire blah "Each friend represents a world in us; a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only in meeting them that a new world is born." (Anais Nin) "Be the change that you want to see in the world." (Mohandas Gandhi) "Have confidence that if you have done a little thing well, you can do a bigger thing well, too." (David Malcolm Storey) Playwrights "I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying, dead." (Oscar Wilde) If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
-- Lily Tomlin Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together....
-- Carl Zwanzig Playwrights
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death "Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas?" (Josef Stalin) If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
-- Pope John Paul I "The formula for my happiness: a Yes, a No, a straight line, a goal." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Playwrights You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.
-- Beverly Sills Truth must necessarily be stranger than fiction, for fiction is the creation of the human mind and
therefore congenial to it.
-- G. K. Chesterton We live at a time when man believes himself fabulously capable of creation, but he does not
know what to create.
-- Jose Ortega y Gasset Playwrights
Every child is born a genius.
-- R. Buckminster Fuller A man's feet should be planted in his country, but his eyes should survey the world.
-- George Santayana Friends applaud, the Comedy is over.
-- Ludwig von Beethoven, dying words "The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none." (Thomas Carlyle, 1795-1881) The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
-- Mark Twain Playwrights "This is slavery, not to speak one's thought." (Euripides) Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
- Ambrose Bierce Great ability develops and reveals itself increasingly with every new assignment. Baltasar
Gracian Playwrights
There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse!
-- Calvin Nothing says lovin' like marrying your cousin!
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show "Who is more foolish? The fool or the fool that follows it?" (Alec Guinness) Live truth instead of professing it.
-- Elbert Hubbard Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own
language and forthwith it is something entirely different.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Playwrights Education ... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth
reading.
-- G. M. Trevelyan "The biggest argument against democracy is a five minute discussion with the average voter." (Sir Winston Churchill, 1874-1965) Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?
-- The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Playwrights
"Paper should be edible, nutritious. Inks used for printing or writing should have delicious flavors. Magazines or newspapers read at breakfast should be eaten for lunch. Instead of throwing one's mai You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
-- Mark Twain "God is a gentleman. He prefers blondes." (Joe Orton, Loot) "The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisi Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
--Anon. Playwrights A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke
or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow.
-- Charles Brower When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the
problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
- Buckminster Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
-- Soren Kierkegaard Playwrights
