If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
-- Anonymous Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.
-- Roger Babson The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault.
- Henry Kissinger Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for him. -- Rich Little Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window.
You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house.
-- Jean Ke Health Authorities Two souls with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.
-- Fredrich Halm Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
-- Albert Camus "The depth and strength of a human character are defined by its moral reserves. People reveal themselves completely only when they are thrown out of the customary conditions of their life, for only th Health Authorities
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way
around the laws.
- Plato "Learn from the mistakes of others--you can never live long enough to make them all yourself." (John Luther) I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but
all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
- Bill Hirst Don't anthropomorphize computers -- they hate it.
-- Anonymous A really busy person never knows how much he weighs.
-- Ed Howe Health Authorities Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
- the Duchess of Windsor, when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
-- Bob Perelman Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
-- Red Buttons Health Authorities
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I
have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
-- George Bernard Shaw It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
-- Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince Art and science have their meeting point in method.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton "I was a total loner, not by self-design. I just didn't know what the hell to say to people. I was so shy. I used to stammer and lisp and dribble at the mouth." (Sir Anthony Hopkins, on his youth) I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me
is another matter.
- Sir Winston Churchill Health Authorities All over Washington today, the politicians and the power brokers are happy. In fact, if you listen
closely, you can hear the sound of champagne corks popping.
-- Paul Jacob, Term Limits Executive Di If a man does his best, what else is there?
- General George S. Patton What's new? Most of my wife. Health Authorities
"Club Secretary: I say, Lawrence. You are a clown!
Lawrence: We can't all be lion tamers." (Thomas Edward Lawrence, Lawrence of Arabia, 1962) Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
-- Lisa Hoffman Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire.
-- Jean de La Fontaine I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get
money from it.
-- Stephen Leacock Health Authorities A man's feet should be planted in his country, but his eyes should survey the world.
-- George Santayana "Jesus died too soon. If he had lived to my age he would have repudiated his doctrine." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer." (Jack Handey) Health Authorities
"My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go." (Oscar Wilde, his last recorded words) Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.
-- George Bernard Shaw I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day.
-- Vincent Van Gogh "All women love the men they fear. All women kiss the hand that rules them." (Lionel Atwill) The great man fights the elements in his time that hinder his own greatness, in other words his own freedom and sincerity." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Health Authorities What is the answer? In that case, what is the question?
-- Gertrude Stein, dying words Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of
fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality
and The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does
not stop until you get into the office.
-- Robert Frost Health Authorities
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. "Club Secretary: I say, Lawrence. You are a clown!
Lawrence: We can't all be lion tamers." (Thomas Edward Lawrence, Lawrence of Arabia, 1962) I've been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of
mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
-- Rita Mae Brown That's the nature of research--you don't know what in hell you're doing.
-- 'Doc' Edgerton Health Authorities Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.
-- Virginia Woolf The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
-- Joseph Heller, God Knows Icky icky icky icky fKANG zoop-boing n zowzyin...
-- The Knights who so recently said "Nee!", Monty Python, British comedy television show Health Authorities
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
-- Albert Einstein "Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas?" (Josef Stalin) And now, in keeping with Channel 40's policy of always bringing you the latest in blood and guts,
in living color, you're about to see another first -- an attempted suicide.
-- Chris Hubbock, who sh In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that
no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
-- Paul Dirac Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment every day.
-- Thornton Wilder Health Authorities I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all
over it and put your name at the top.
-- English Professor, Ohio University In medieval times, people thought that evil spirits could enter a person through an open mouth.
These days they more often leave that way.
-- David Deckert There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse!
-- Calvin Health Authorities
The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. --Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.
-- Michael McShane Where there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.
-- Benjamin Franklin When you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.
-- Wilson Mizner Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
-- Albert Einstein Health Authorities "Careful?! Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a coat hanger while I was still in the womb?" (Trey Parker) Nature gave men two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or
failure has been dependent on the one he used most.
-- George R. Kirkpatrick The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.
-- Shirley MacLaine Health Authorities
Goodbye, Everybody!
-- Hart Crane, poet, who committed suicide by jumping overboard during a steamship voyage. Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the
mother.
-- Claudette Colbert No wonder nobody comes here--it's too crowded.
-- Yogi Berra "Now that we have everything we need, we discover that there is almost nothing that we have that we want." (John Cage, M, Writings 1967 - 1972) Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked
where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration.
-- D. H. Lawrence Health Authorities I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
- Steven Wright All you need is love.
-- The Beatles, song title The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular body and its indifference to
substitutes is one of life's major mysteries.
-- Iris Murdoch Health Authorities
Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno. "Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Walk beside me and just be my friend." (Albert Camus) "Is man merely a mistake of God's? Or God merely a mistake of man's?" (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
- Samuel Johnson Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-
inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least
expect i Health Authorities In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been
widely regarded as a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams "We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." (Jeff Marder) Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.
Rabbi Julius Gordon Health Authorities
Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
-- Victor Hugo My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her. They're almost inseparable. Sometimes it takes ten people to separate them.
-- Anonymous This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
- Sir Winston Churchill Health Authorities I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated His ability.
-- Oscar Wilde The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
-- Gloria Leonard The covers of this book are too far apart.
-- Ambrose Bierce Health Authorities
