We cease loving ourselves if no one loves us.
-- Mme de Staël There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's
being off the network.
-- Guy Almes A dollar saved is a quarter earned.
-- John Ciardi "I consider it the highest compliment when my employees go out and start their own companies in competition with me. I always send them a plant to wish them well. Of course, it's a cactus." (Norman B We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
- Vince Lombardi X The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault.
- Henry Kissinger After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely
pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can't.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker X
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
-- Soren Kierkegaard I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the
marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.
-- Bette Davis "I had discovered that a person does not have to be this or be that or be anything, not even oneself. One is free." (Walker Percy, The Moviegoer) I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
-- Lewis Grizzard Practice random acts of kindness and sensless acts of beauty.
-- Adair Lara X In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that
no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
-- Paul Dirac One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and, if
possible, speak a few reasonable words.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." (Albert Einstein) X
If you don't double-click me, I can't do anything.
-- John Aniston, on how computers have taken over his life When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.
- Friedrich Nietzsche Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. -- Cass Daley Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Good hours, excellent pay, fun place to work, paid training, mean boss. Oh well, four out of five
isn't bad.
-- Help Wanted Ad, PA newspaper, 1994 X I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about "short" and
"cheap"?
-- Phyllis Diller Author: A fool, who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on
tormenting the generations to come.
-- Montesquieu A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
- Lao-Tzu X
"As is our confidence, so is our capacity." (William Hazlitt) My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it. "If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." (Anatole France) Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over.
-- F. Scott Fitzgerald Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.
-- Margaret Mead X "I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors to my dogs." (Andy Warhol, Andy Warhol's Exposures, 1980) He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
- Abraham Lincoln "The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances." (Viktor E. Frankl) X
"When thou art at Rome, do as they do at Rome." (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, 1547-1616) The authority of those who teach is often an obstacle to those who want to learn.
-- Cicero The time is always right to do what is right.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr. Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying!
-- Woody Allen X Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain
as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't
remember what Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is
not a conservative, has no brains.
-- Winston Churchill Our elections are free - it's in the results where eventually we pay.
-- Bill Stern X
My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her. Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame.
-- G. K. Chesterton Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you
underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-- Matt Groening, Love is Hell Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
-- Mark Twain UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 X Universities incline wits to sophistry and affectation.
-- Francis Bacon The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this century's history.... We all lived
in this century. I didn't live in this century.
-- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republic The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
-- Blaise Pascal, Pens&eactue;es, trans. A.J. Krailsheimer X
Why did Nature create man? Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it
pure ignorance?
-- Holbrook Jackson To die for an idea is to set a rather high price on conjecture.
-- Anatole France Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
-- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy, 1981-1987 Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.
-- David Starr Jordan There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and
why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
inex X The first clergyman was the first rascal who met the first fool.
-- Voltaire "Some look at things that are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were and ask why not?" (George Bernard Shaw) When you're experimenting you have to try so many things before you choose what you want,
and you may go days getting nothing but exhaustion.
-- Fred Astaire X
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain
terrible.
-- Jean Kerr The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
- Von Clausewitz We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
-- George Bernard Shaw Now comes the mystery.
-- Henry Ward Beecher, dying words, March 8, 1887 "Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences." (Isadora Duncan) X I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all
over it and put your name at the top.
-- English Professor, Ohio University Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It's like having a little pet for
your face.
-- Anita Wise "I feel I have to protect myself against things. So I'm pretty careful to lose most of them." (George Orson Welles) X
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put
over my kitchen table.
-- Rodney Dangerfield Two souls with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.
-- Fredrich Halm "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit." (Aristotle) Sex is God's joke on human beings.
-- Bette Davis People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.
-- Otto von Bismarck X Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
-- Albert Einstein Food, one assumes, provides nourishment; but Americans eat it fully aware that small amounts of
poison have been added to improve its appearance and delay its putrefaction.
-- John Cage The Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute
for life.
-- Andrew Brown X
A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.
-- Baudelaire Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. -- W. Somerset Maugham "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991) The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
-- Robert Benchley One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is
terribly important.
-- Bertrand Russell X "What sculpture is to a block of marble, education is to a human soul." (Joseph Addison) When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his
cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that
Uncl Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
-- Erma Bombeck X
... it is certain that the real function of art is to increase our self-consciousness; to make us more
aware of what we are, and therefore of what the universe in which we live really is. And since
Virtue is like health: the harmony of the whole man.
-- Thomas Carlyle It is well, when judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and
superior impartiality.
-- Arnold Bennett To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour.
-- Robert L. Stevenson Change is not merely necessary to life, it is life.
-- Alvin Toffler X We have children because we want immortality and this is the most reliable way of getting it.
-- Woodrow Wyatt I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.
-- Will Rogers Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent
ages as much as 20 years.
-- Anonymous X
