In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice
that I am not a Republican.
-- H. L. Mencken "The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing." (John Powell) For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good
results: drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
-- Laundry instructions on a shirt Marriage is a rest period between romances. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-
proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe
is Holidays Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.
-- Max Frisch Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.
-- Grace Hansen The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
-- Jilly Cooper Holidays
Before marraige a man will like awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage
he will fall asleep before you have finished saying it.
-- Anon. A dollar saved is a quarter earned.
-- John Ciardi Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.
-- James Stephens "Ah! Don't say you agree with me. When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." (Oscar Wilde) Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is
not a conservative, has no brains.
-- Winston Churchill Holidays Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
- Henry Louis Mencken Time is at once the most valuable and most perishable of all our possessions.
-- John Randolph There is more to life than increasing its speed.
-- Gandhi Holidays
Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness.
-- Madame de Rieux Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. -- John Lyly Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to
us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
-- Jeff Raskin "I met someone on the street who said wasn't it great that we're going to have a movie star for president, that it was so Pop, and (laughs) when you think about it like that, it is great, it's so Amer "If you assume that there's no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that there is an instinct for freedom, there are opportunities to change things, there's a chance for you t Holidays Universities incline wits to sophistry and affectation.
-- Francis Bacon To expect defeat is nine-tenths of defeat itself.
-- Francis Crawford Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it. Holidays
"As is our confidence, so is our capacity." (William Hazlitt) "A thing of beauty is a joy forever." (John Keats) Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy. You cannot think about thinking, without thinking about thinking about something.
-- Seymour Papert The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
-- B. F. Skinner Holidays "Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." (George Bernard Shaw) "Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas?" (Josef Stalin) If your professor wrote it, it's as near to the truth as you ever need to get.
-- John Watson, University of Canterbury Holidays
The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
-- Blaise Pascal, Pensées, trans. A.J. Krailsheimer I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
-- Albert Einstein "The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize." (Robert Hughes) I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, including:
* Both of your socks should always be the same color
* Or they should at least both be fairly dark
-- Dave Barry Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Holidays He who laughs last didn't get it.
-- Helen Giangregorio We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
-- George Bernard Shaw "Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." (G. Randolf) Holidays
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of
mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
-- Rita Mae Brown It is because modern education is so seldom inspired by a great hope that it so seldom achieves
great results. The wish to preserve the past rather that the hope of creating the future dominates
the My Alma mater was books, a good library . . . . I could spend the rest of my life reading, just
satisfying my curiosity.
--Malcolm X When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
-- Clarence Darrow Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. -- W. Somerset Maugham Holidays Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.
-- John-Paul Sartre Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
- Henry David Thoreau We cease loving ourselves if no one loves us.
-- Mme de Staël Holidays
"Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it." (George Bernard Shaw) The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!
-- Mark Russell An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
-- Robert A. Humphrey One survey found that ten percent of Americans thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife....
-- Robert Boynton There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one
of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
-- George Bernard Shaw Holidays Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
-- Mark Twain When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is; when we treat him as if he already
were what he potentially could be, we make him what he should be.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Holidays
"You believe that flag burning shows disrespect towards those who have fought to preserve our freedoms. Punishing protestors shows an even more profound disrespect for the ideals that these people die How could they tell?
-- Dorothy Parker, upon hearing that President Coolidge had died In the late 1600s the finest instruments originated from three rural families whose workshops
were side by side in the Italian village of Cremona. First were the Amatis, and outside their shop
hung "Man was born free and everywhere he is in chains." (Jean-Jacques Rousseau, French philosopher, The Social Contract) It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us.
-- Peter De Vries Holidays The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.
-- Noel Coward He who limps is still walking.
-- Stanislaw J. Lec Holidays
I would rather live and love where death is king than have eternal life where love is not.
-- Robert G. Ingersoll Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. -- Ken Dodd I'll sleep when I'm dead.
- Warren Zevon The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal consistency of the women who
love me.
-- George Bernard Shaw A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Holidays What if it was cats who invented technology... would they have tv shows starring rubber sqeak
toys?
-- Douglas Coupland It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated.
-- Alec Bourne, A Doctor's Creed The more faithfully you listen to the voices within you, the better you will hear what is sounding
outside.
-- Dag Hammarskjold Holidays
Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to
realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and
grie "What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) "Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women ... and the other ten percent I wasted." (Tug McGraw, Major League Baseball pitcher) Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance.
-- King George V Infatuation is when you think that he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger,
as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is
when you r Holidays One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.
-- Sophocles If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.
-- Maya Angelou "If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat." (Mark Twain) Holidays
"Let no one be discouraged by the belief there is nothing one person can do against the enormous array of the world's ills, misery, ignorance, and violence. Few will have the greatness to bend history The nourishment is palatable.
-- Millard Fillmore, dying words Life is not an easy matter.... You cannot live through it without falling into frustration and cynicism
unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above
weakness "Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself--and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine wit The grand aim of all science is to cover the greatest number of empirical facts by logical
deduction from the smallest number of hypotheses or axioms.
-- Albert Einstein Holidays Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
- Robert Frost I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all
the time. That would be hypocrisy.
-- Oscar Wilde "Our destiny exercises its influence over us even when, as yet, we have not learned its nature: it is our future that lays down the law of our today." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Holidays
