Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-
inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least
expect i It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
- Albert Einstein The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines
staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you
ask th The authority of those who teach is often an obstacle to those who want to learn.
-- Cicero Arts and Entertainment "Commit yourself to quality from day one ... it's better to do nothing at all than to do something badly." (Mark McCormack) Friends applaud, the Comedy is over.
-- Ludwig von Beethoven, dying words Never judge a book by its movie.
-- J. W. Eagan Arts and Entertainment
Discovery consists of looking at the same thing as everyone else does and thinking something
different.
-- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, 1937 Nobel Prize in Physiology and Medicine "Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but
as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!"
-- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland A dollar saved is a quarter earned.
-- John Ciardi In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.
-- Samuel Butler A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can
decide that nothing can be done.
-- Fred Allen Arts and Entertainment If you are all wrapped up in yourself, you are overdressed
-- Kate Halverson I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how
to make it interesting.
-- Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hal "A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car." (Kenneth Tynan) Arts and Entertainment
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-
knowing.
- Henry Louis Mencken Life is a succession of lessons enforced by immediate reward, or, oftener, by immediate
chastisement.
-- Ernest Dimnet What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is
the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
-- Crowf Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them
down people's throats.
-- Howard Aiken For I am a bear of very little brain and long words bother me.
-- Winnie the Pooh, character from author A. A. Milne Arts and Entertainment Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. -- John Lyly A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Goethe In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person
must be fired.
-- Conway's Law Arts and Entertainment
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
-- G. K. Chesterton There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker Why did Nature create man? Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it
pure ignorance?
-- Holbrook Jackson Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's
family does too.
-- Anonymous "If you believe everything you read, you better not read." (Japanese Proverb) Arts and Entertainment The first clergyman was the first rascal who met the first fool.
-- Voltaire I was going to change my shirt, but I changed my mind instead.
-- Winnie the Pooh Happiness, it is said, is seldom found by those who seek it, and never by those who seek it for
themselves.
-- F. Emerson Andrews Arts and Entertainment
Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.
-- Michael Levine, Lessons at the Halfway Point Each of us has a spark of life inside us, and our highest endeavor ought to be to set off that spark
in one another.
-- Kenny Ausubel Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.
-- Aristotle Life is like music; it must be composed by ear, feeling, and instinct, not by rule.
-- Samuel Butler It's important to be open-minded, but not SO open-minded that your brains fall out.
-- Rick Radebaugh Arts and Entertainment An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
-- Robert A. Humphrey "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." (Mae West) "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world, indeed it is the only thing that ever has." (Margaret Mead, 1901-78) Arts and Entertainment
"Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience." (George Bernard Shaw) There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the
instrument plays itself.
-- Johann Sebastian Bach I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
-- Lewis Grizzard Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Cat's Cradle Epperson's law:
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at. Arts and Entertainment Beware you be not swallowed up in books! An ounce of love is worth a pound of knowledge.
-- John Wesley Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
-- Euripides Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so you apologize for truth.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Arts and Entertainment
There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats.
-- Albert Schweitzer "Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss." (Hal Holbrook, Wallstreet) Half of the American people never read a newspaper.
Half never voted for President.
One hopes it is the same half.
-- Gore Vidal Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is most important that you do it.
-- Gandhi May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead. Arts and Entertainment The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.
-- Margo Kaufman Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
-- Mark Twain It is because modern education is so seldom inspired by a great hope that it so seldom achieves
great results. The wish to preserve the past rather that the hope of creating the future dominates
the Arts and Entertainment
"Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him." (Aldous Huxley) There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's
being off the network.
-- Guy Almes "Education is the period during which you are being instructed by somebody you do not know, about something you do not want to know." (Gilbert Keith Chesterton) I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
-- Nancy Mitford Every major horror of history was committed in the name of an altruistic motive.
-- Ayn Rand Arts and Entertainment "There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience." (Archibald McLeish) The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent
crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry
inspe "Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect every one who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are ine Arts and Entertainment
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get
married.
-- Katharine Hepburn If all these sweet young things were laid end to end, I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised.
-- Dorothy Parker Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the
wrong remedies.
-- Groucho Marx Great ability develops and reveals itself increasingly with every new assignment. Baltasar
Gracian Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins.
-- Sioux Indian Prayer Arts and Entertainment Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing
popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
-- Dave Barry LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the
influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the
physician Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
-- Josh Billings Arts and Entertainment
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
-- Clarence Darrow We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind
her stands his wife.
-- Groucho Marx "If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change." (John A. Simone Sr.) If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt Elegance of language may not be in the power of all of us; but simplicity and straight forwardness
are. Write much as you would speak; speak as you think. If with your inferior, speak no coarser
tha Arts and Entertainment "I always thought a dog-lover was a dog who loved another dog." (James Thurber) It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up.
-- Vince Lombardi "Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same." (George Bernard Shaw) Arts and Entertainment
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. I like nonsense -- it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way
of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope...and that enables you to laugh at all When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall
looking frantic.
-- Steven Wright Good hours, excellent pay, fun place to work, paid training, mean boss. Oh well, four out of five
isn't bad.
-- Help Wanted Ad, PA newspaper, 1994 "The formula for my happiness: a Yes, a No, a straight line, a goal." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Arts and Entertainment "Conscience and cowardice are really the same things. Conscience is the trade-name of the firm. That is all." (Oscar Wilde) "I praise loudly. I blame softly." (Catherine the Great) A person starts to live when he can live outside himself.
-- Albert Einstein Arts and Entertainment
